


Born This Way

by redwolffclaw



Series: I've Lived It Both Ways [1]
Category: Psych
Genre: Angst, Friendship, Gen, Humor, Pre-Series, Young Gus - Freeform, Young Shawn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-20
Updated: 2014-10-29
Packaged: 2018-01-02 03:11:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 34,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1051839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redwolffclaw/pseuds/redwolffclaw
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Henry Spencer has started to realize that something is different about his three year old son Shawn and will soon need to use all his detective skills to figure out how to raise his rambunctious prodigy. </p><p>Originally inspired by the prompt, "Discovering Shawn's Talent."</p><p>(Story 1 in I've Lived It Both Ways)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Henry’s Epiphany

**Author's Note:**

> (Originally posted on Psychfic and Fanfiction.net.) This story was originally created because I wanted to answer a prompt about how Henry finds out about Shawn's abilities. It ended up branching out into so much more than I could have imagined.
> 
> This story is going to follow Henry's realization that something is up with Shawn through the different early trainings he put his son through. It is as close to canon as I could possibly get it and interweaves and follows a lot of the young Shawn flashbacks, explaining the back stories of a lot of them.
> 
> (NOTE: I had to come up with a birth date for Shawn and ended up selecting FEBRUARY 8th 1978.)
> 
> Hope you enjoy it.
> 
> I do not own Psych in any way shape or form. 
> 
> \--------------------------------  
> The story kind of starts out putting Henry and Maddie in a bad light but I tried to portray them as just busy people, not really neglectful but sometimes you never notice the things happening right under your nose...

  **Chapter 1- Henry’s Epiphany**

**"Much like Lady Gaga, I was born this way."- Shawn Spencer  
**

**Santa Barbara** **November 1981**

            “Why is it when you really need something you can never find it?” Henry grumbled. He had searched everywhere for the phone number he needed but it’s like it magically disappeared. That or his toddler son had grabbed it and most likely destroyed it.

            Henry sighed. It wouldn’t be a big deal if he wasn’t running late for court and needed to find the Judge’s number to let him know. “Maddie! Do you know where my address book went?” Henry Shouted across the house. “I need to call Judge Andrews!”

            “Give me a minute! I am finishing up some paperwork!” Henry’s wife replied from another room.

            Grumbling about her paperwork and what she could do with it, Henry continued to look for the phone number. Giving up temporarily after another couple minutes, he walked back into the living room only to find a three year old Shawn standing on a box and dialing on the rotary phone. “No Shawn!” Henry hurried over and scooped him up. “You don’t touch that!”

            “Daaadddyyy!” Shawn whined and reached at the phone again, wiggling in his father’s arms to get loose.

            “No Shawnie. You're too young to use the phone.” Henry scolded, picking Shawn up to put Shawn in his play pen. As usual, Shawn was angry but didn’t cry. He folded his little arms and glared daggers at his dad. Henry ignored him and continued his search. This time in his study.

            The next time Henry came out, Shawn had somehow gotten out of the play pen and grabbed the phone again. This time he was talking into it. Henry, defeated, decided to watch and see what happened.

            “Hi Jud!” Shawn squeaked into the receiver. “Daddy talk to you!” A pause before Shawn raised his voice as if someone was having trouble hearing him. “DADDY TALK TO YOU!” Deciding that was enough, Henry walked up to Shawn. Looking up, Shawn willingly handed him the phone. “Jud talk to you.”

            Henry tentatively took the phone and sighed before starting to apologize to whoever his son ended up dialing. “I’m sorry, my son got to the phone and dialed this number…”

            “Officer Spencer?” the voice on the other side of the line questioned.

            “Yes…” Henry answered surprised. “Who is this?”

            “This is Judge Andrews. You are due in court in five minutes! What are you still doing at your house?”

            Henry stared at his son in disbelief for a moment before the Judge’s question registered. “Oh sorry. I was trying to get a hold of you. My partner was held up and he was my ride. I will be there ASAP.” Henry explained.

            “You better hurry. The prosecution needs your testimony to proceed.” The Judge replied sternly.

            “No problem. I won’t be more than a few minutes late.” Setting the receiver carefully in its cradle, Henry kneeled down to look at Shawn. “Shawnie, tell daddy how you knew the judge’s number.”

            Shawn hung his head and looked down like he always did when he realized he'd done something wrong, and walked over to the phone. He grabbed his dad’s hand and used it to dial. After dialing out the number Shawn let his dad’s hand and gave his dad a sad expression. “Sowwy.”

            Henry was speechless. Henry knew Shawn was there last time he dialed the number, but it was just the once and it was days ago. Before his voice returned, Henry heard the horn honk from outside. His partner had arrived. “Maddie! My ride is here! Could you come take Shawn?”

            His wife came out of the den area, she looked a bit annoyed to be bugged but knew it was her turn to take Shawn to daycare. Maddie picked up her son to put him in the play pen but Henry stopped her. “I wouldn’t do that Madds. He just flew the coop a few minutes ago.”

            “Well what am I supposed to do then?” Maddie asked exasperated. “I have to get ready for work and I can’t watch him. Could you take him to daycare today?”

            “I’m already running late! My partner is right outside and the Judge needs me to get there as soon as I can.” Henry griped, frustrated that this was making him even later.

            “Well we can’t have him running around either! Besides it is on your way!” Maddie pleaded.

            Neither parent noticed that Shawn had already grabbed his coat and started to put on his own slip on shoes. He’d seen his parents do it enough times to figure it out.

            “Fine!” Henry picked up Shawn and his day bag before storming out the door. He had to give Shawn to his partner as he grabbed the car seat from his truck and fastened it to the other vehicle. Maddie was right, the daycare center was on the way but Henry was more upset that his wife had a habit of doing this. She always found some excuse to not have to take Shawn when she went to work.

            They pulled up in front of the home where “Little Rascals” daycare center was housed. Henry grabbed the squirming Shawn out of the car seat. He started to carry him but Shawn protested.

            “Down! I wanna walk!” Rolling his eyes, Henry let Shawn down and took his hand to guide him into the house.

            “Shawnie!” A young woman came to the door and knelt down to greet him.

            “Mandy!” Shawn squealed and gave her a big hug as she picked him up.

            Henry handed Mandy the day bag. “I’ll be back by five at the latest. I have to get going.” Turning around Henry walked out the door in a hurry.

            “Bye daddy...” Shawn trailed off as his dad continued down the walkway without looking back.

            Mandy gave a small frown as she saw Shawn’s sad face watch his dad leave. Mandy gave him a smile and tickled the little boy, making him laugh. “There’s the Shawn I know! Let’s go get your blocks and see what you can make today little man!” She exclaimed and carried him into the play room.

            She stood back, still smiling as she watched Shawn grab the blocks and happily start building his daily project.

\----------------------------------------------

            Henry still had the incident from that morning on his mind at the end of his shift. He'd had all day to think about it and realized if anyone knew there was something up with his son, it would be Mandy. She had been watching him almost every weekday since he was a year old.

            Henry arrived at the daycare and rang the doorbell. Mandy opened the door giving him a surprised look, “Mr. Spencer! You're early. I will go get Shawn…”

            Holding up his hands in a stop gesture Henry asked, “Mandy, have you noticed anything…different about Shawn?”

            Mandy widened her eyes and gave him a fake innocent look. “Different _how_ Mr. Spencer?”

            “Mandy, my son can lie better than that and he’s three. What do you know?” Henry asked with a raised eyebrow.

            Admitting defeat, Mandy motioned Henry to follow her. The play area had seven children in it today. Most of them were sitting in small groups and playing together. All but one. Shawn was sitting in the corner with a large block building in front of him.

            “Wow.” Henry was impressed. “Did he build that?”

            Mandy leaned against the wall and watched the younger Spencer put the finishing touches on his new project. “Yes. He builds something different each time. It's pretty neat.”

            “Why? Does he do anything with the things he builds?” Henry was puzzled.

            Giving Henry a sly look, Mandy smirked. “You could say that…”

            As if on cue, Shawn took one of the toy vehicles from the toy chest he was sitting by and started making car noises. “Vroom vroom!”

            Henry smirked. Shawn could be incredibly cute sometimes. Then his son did something unexpected. In a fake deep voice the boy said, “Oonit five we hab a tin fortween at nine nine two White Stweet, be avised the person may be umed.” Shawn then made siren sounds.

            Henry’s jaw almost hit the floor. “He can’t have remembered that.”

            The questioning look from Mandy caused Henry to explain, “About a year ago I was on the way home with Shawn when I got a call over my radio about a 10-14, possible prowler. They told me he might be armed, and my car is Unit 5.”

            Mandy gushed, “Wow! That is so cool he remembered that.”

            “Does he always say the same thing when he's playing?” Henry was thinking that maybe if he had said it enough to memorize it, it could explain things.

            Shaking her head Mandy stated, “No that is the first time I heard that one. Sometimes it's conversations, other times he just builds things. He loves using the letter and number magnets too.” Mandy pursed her lips, unsure if Henry would want to hear this next statement but feeling he needed to know she continued. “He doesn’t play very well with the others, even though he is nice to them. I just don’t think that the other kids get him, if you know what I mean. He isn’t very socialized to begin with being an only child.”

            “Do you think there is something wrong with him?” Fear showed in Henry’s features. He had the same fear every parent had when told their child was different. His first thought was Shawn had a disability. He had heard of people being really good with numbers but having learning disabilities in other areas.

            “No, not at all." Mandy said quickly. "Near as I can tell he is just really smart. You might want to have him tested.” Mandy gave Henry a sidelong glance. “You honestly haven’t noticed anything off before?”

            “To tell you the truth both Maddie and I have been pretty busy lately…” Henry thought about it and he had not paid attention to his son in quite a while. Feeling guilty he made a decision. He would try to spend more time with him and keep an eye on his behaviors.

            Obviously seeing the distraught look on Henry’s face Mandy decided that was her exit cue. “Well, I'll go him.”

            “Yeah thanks.” He watched as Mandy went over and bend down to his son letting him know it was time to go.

            Shawn looked at his block house and casually removed one of the bottom blocks, causing the entire thing to fall apart. _Damn kid, I guess I really need to get to know you better._ Henry thought sadly as Shawn finished putting away his toys and got ready to go home.


	2. Spy Games

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Henry hides the fact he is spying on Shawn from his wife, but she's not the one he has to worry about finding out...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am happy to say in this chapter I had Henry and Maddie act more like parents to Shawn.

**Chapter 2- Spy Games**

**Santa Barbara- November 1981**

            That night it was Maddie’s turn to put Shawn to bed since Henry had ended up taking him to daycare. Henry had not mentioned anything to her about Shawn or his plan to keep an eye on him. His wife had a tendency to over analyze things and would probably try to do tests on the boy. He wanted to wait and see how Shawn acted normally before he jumped to any conclusions.

            Grabbing a pen and paper Henry covertly watched as his wife read to Shawn. He noticed his son's eyes did not simply look and stare at the pictures in the book, but they moved back and forth over the page as if reading along with the words.

            Maddie noticed Henry standing in the doorway jotting things down. “Henry, what are you up to?” She asked, looking at him curiously.

            “Oh uh. I am just watching you two.” He gestured at the paper. “I remembered something and had to write it down quick so I wouldn’t forget.”

            “Ok, just let me know what it is next time and I won’t let you forget.” She smiled at her husband then continued to read to her son.

            Henry had already taken into account that his wife had a perfect memory for things she had heard. It is what made having an argument with her so frustrating. Having an auditory memory didn’t explain this though. He looked at what he wrote:

Notes on Shawn-

  1. **1.** **Shawn can read.**



            It was a place to start anyway. This would be an easy one to test for but not with his wife around. He'd have to wait and do it on Saturday, when his wife was not home but he had the day off.

            _Waiting two days isn’t going to be hard_. Henry thought. He looked up from the paper and saw Shawn was no longer staring at the book. Shawn was staring directly at him, his head cocked as if wondering what he was really doing. Henry began to realize that it wasn’t Maddie that would make spying on Shawn hard, if Shawn were as smart as Mandy was saying he was it was going to be tricky to keep his son from finding out.

\---------------------------------------

            Saturday came and after a regular morning Henry said goodbye to Maddie as she headed off to work. Shawn was asleep on the couch so Henry took the opportunity to go into the nursery and pull some books off the shelves. They usually kept them out of reach because Shawn had a tendency to destroy things and Maddie didn’t want all the books to be ruined.

            Not wanting to make it easy for his son, Henry didn’t leave the books on the floor, but on a shelf that Shawn could reach. Henry wanted to see if his son was interested in the books themselves, not just because they were out where he could play with them.

            An hour later Shawn woke up and Henry brought him to the nursery to play. Henry stood out of view, barely peeking his head around the corner. Shawn had noticed the books immediately. Henry had to duck back as Shawn looked around to see if he would get in trouble for touching them.

            When Henry chanced a look back a minute later, Shawn was sitting on a pillow with one of his stuffed animals propped up next to him. He had his favorite book in his hands: “Green Eggs and Ham.”

            Starting from the beginning, Shawn started reading the story to his stuffed animal. “I do not wike gween eggs and ham. I do not wike dem, Sam I am…”

            Henry’s breath caught in his throat. His son, his _three year old_ son, could read. “Well, at least things that have been read to him before…” Henry realized more testing would be needed and headed to his own bookshelf looking for a book.

            After grabbing a random book Henry made his presence known to Shawn by stepping out from around the corner. As soon as Shawn saw his dad he tossed the book as far as he could and gave an innocent, 'What did I do?' look.

            Shaking his head, Henry went over to the book and picked it up. He handed it back to his son, “Its ok kid. I’m not mad.”

            Shawn hesitantly took the book and put it on his lap without taking his eyes off his dad. Henry saw Shawn’s brow wrinkle for a moment before he seemed satisfied that his dad would not be mad about it.

            Sitting down next to his son, Henry opened the other book, “Of Mice and Men." There were no pictures so Henry could be certain that Shawn was recognizing the word and not just the story from the illustrations. “Shawnie, do you want to play a game?”

            Nodding his head vigorously Shawn agreed. He really seemed to be enjoying the attention. Henry pointed at a word in the book. It was the word _Like._ “What is that word Shawn?”

            Shawn squinted to see what his dad was pointing at. Looking up he stated, “Wike.”

            _So much for my auditory memory only theory._ Henry thought. _Shawn just completely blew that out of the water._

            “It’s pronounced LIKE Shawn.” Henry corrected out loud, over pronouncing the L sound.

            “Like…” Shawn said, his hazel eyes looking for his dad's approval.

            Smiling Henry patted his son on the back. “Great job kiddo! Now, what is this word….”

            Henry spent the rest of the morning going over words and correct pronunciations with Shawn. He could not find a word that his son had seen and heard before that he didn’t know. Henry added more to the list of suspicions about his son.

Notes on Shawn-

  1. Shawn can read.- True
  2. Shawn auditory recall
  3. Shawn photographic recall



            Henry knew he would have to tell his wife now, but he was thinking about taking Mandy’s advice and getting Shawn professionally tested. He watched his son eat lunch; Mini corn dogs and some canned pineapple. It was all Shawn would eat lately. Maddie said it was a phase and would pass but Henry was really getting sick of smelling hot dogs every day.

             “Daddy.” Shawn’s voice brought Henry out of his thoughts.

            “Yeah Shawn?”

            “Do…” Shawn scrunched his face. It was almost like he was looking for the right words. “Do you… _like_ me?” Shawn made sure to pronounce the L.

            “What? Of course I do!” Henry was puzzled by his kid’s question.

            “Does Mommy like me?”

            Henry leaned over and gave Shawn a quick hug and kiss on the forehead, “Mommy loves you. You never have to worry about that okay?”

            Shawn seemed satisfied with the answer and both of them went back to eating in silence.

\-------------------------------

            Maddie returned home around 4pm. She walked in the living room and found Henry with a beer in his hands looking at a piece of paper with writing on it. “Henry, where is Shawn? What’s wrong?” Her husband was wearing a troubled expression.

            “Shawn is taking a nap before supper.” Henry motioned his head towards the upstairs bedroom. “He has had a long day.” He groaned a bit and shifted his position. "We both did."

            “Why so glum then? Are you okay?” Maddie walked up and put her hand on his shouldder.

            Closing his eyes Henry knew he needed to say this fast or he would lose his nerve. “Madds, I have been spying on Shawn for a few days and I've noticed something.”  He motioned for Maddie to sit down next to him. “You know your ability to remember what you hear?”

            Maddie sat down next to her husband, smiled and nodded. “Of course I know about it.”

            Henry smiled wryly back before becoming serious again. “Like I said, I was watching him. I made some notes.” Henry handed her the note pad and watched his wife’s eyes widen.

            “He can read? Henry are you absolutely sure?”

            “It is more than that Madds. Our son is different. I talked to Mandy about it and she said the same thing.” Henry shook his head in disbelief. “I saw him sit down and read through “Green Eggs and Ham” out loud. I thought he inherited your auditory memory at first but then he was able to recognize the words in a different book. I think we really need to get him tested. Do you know any place that does child intelligence testing?”

            Maddie thought about it. “I know a couple of child therapists that could help. I'll talk to them on Monday and see what they can do.”

            Henry nodded and leaned back on the couch, taking a swig of his beer. Maddie could see there was something else wrong with Henry. “What is it? Is there something else?”

            “Mandy made me realize something. She had known that something was up with Shawn for a long time. How come we didn’t see it? You are a psychologist and I’m a cop for Christ’s sake! We didn’t even notice our son was different. What does that say about us?” The pain in Henry’s eyes was evident. He felt like a failure as a dad.

            Maddie made the conscious decision to be a wife right then instead of a psychologist. Her husband needed her comfort, not an explanation on what he was feeling. She leaned over and put her head on his chest as he gave her a squeeze. “You are a good dad Henry Spencer. Anyone can see you love your son." She gave him a big hug right back. "We'll just have to see what the doctors say."


	3. What's Up Doc?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Henry relents and gets Shawn tested, with some interesting results.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not a very long chapter so I was able to get two chapters edited at once.

**Chapter 3- What’s Up Doc?**

**Santa Barbara- January 1982**

            Henry stood outside a large glass door and gave an impatient scowl. This doctor had been testing his son for over an hour. He was currently in the middle of some kind of showing Shawn a series of flash cards.

            The doctor held up another card in front of Shawn. It was the picture of a blue circle. “The circle is red.” He stated. Holding up another card, this one was a yellow triangle he said, “The triangle is purple.” Lastly he held up a green square. “The square is orange.”

            Henry was at a loss at what this test was going to do for his son, other than make him start thinking the color yellow was now called purple. Apparently the hospital decided to give Shawn the Wechsler IQ Test for toddlers and he started to wish Maddie had come. She might have been able to make sense of it all. She was the one to make the appointment anyway.

            Henry was reluctant at first, despite knowing that his son _did_ need to be tested. He didn’t want a whole bunch of doctors examining Shawn, but Maddie had convinced him that this was the best option and the staff knew what they were doing.

            Inside the room the doctor continued to question Shawn. “Ok Shawn, what color was the triangle?”

            Thinking for only a second Shawn replied, “Yellow.”

            Henry smiled at that. Since he had corrected Shawn on his L pronunciation his speech had improved a little…

            “What color was the square?”

            “Gween.”

            ….but Henry still needed to help Shawn work on his Rs.

            The doctor smiled at the young boy. “You are doing great Shawn but this one is going to be really hard! What color was the circle?”

            Shawn closed his eyes for a moment furrowing his brow. “Blue.”

            The doctor sat back and smiled. He then reached into his pocket and brought a sucker out and handed it to Shawn. “That was great Shawn! I am going to go talk to your daddy now ok?”

            Immediately sticking the sucker in his mouth, Shawn nodded and said with a full mouth, “Kay.”

            The doctor exited the room and approached Henry. “Mr. Spencer, you have an extraordinary child.”

            Henry swelled with pride. He motioned his head towards the room. “What was that last test you gave him?”

            “You had mentioned you thought he had a remarkable memory. That test was to see how his brain remembered things. By sound, or by sight. I can tell you he is very vision oriented.”

            Giving the doctor a puzzled look Henry replied, “How so?”

            “Well, when I held up the yellow triangle and called it purple, an auditory learner would remember what I said more than what they saw. An auditory learner would have repeated the wrong colors because they memorized what I said. Your son remembered the color he saw.” The doctor explained.

            “So what about the other tests? Did he do good?” Henry was hoping this trip was worth it.

            Laughing the doctor stated, “Oh yes. I might even have to put him through more advanced tests. He is very eager to please and is cooperative. He responds very well to positive reinforcement.” Seeing the confused look on Henry’s face the doctor clarified, “Giving him rewards for doing well. The one problem though is that he is easily distracted. It is sometimes a problem with visual learners but in Shawn’s case it is a bit unique.”

            “What do you mean unique? He is a kid, aren’t all kids easily distracted?”

            “Well...I tried testing him in the play room with some other children present but he absolutely could not focus on me alone. He still go the tests right but he also pointed out a kid with his shoe untied, another stealing some Duplos, then told me my name tag was crooked.”

            “My son noticed all of those things?” Henry was doubtful. Shawn was nothing but an accident waiting to happen at home and he was having a hard time believing his son could be _that_ observant and still hit his head on the coffee table every time he tried to go under it.

            “Yes." The doctor confirmed. "It was fairly astounding. It is not uncommon for children to have good memories and notice things. It's how their developing brains work but most people lose it as they age. In Shawn’s case I am fairly certain that won’t happen.” The doctor handed Henry his business card. “I will have the complete results available next week. I do recommend extra testing though.”

            _Extra testing? Try extra money._ Taking the card Henry stuffed it in his pocket. “Thanks a lot Doctor. I'll have to talk to my wife first. Are you finished here? I have to get back to work.” Henry had already taken a half day for this testing.

            “Oh yes, we are finished. Shawn may be a bit tired, the tests usually take a lot out of kids.” As if on cue Shawn, now holding just a sucker stick, yawned.

            Henry walked into the room and picked him up.  Shawn tiredly put his head on his dad’s shoulder. “Ok Shawn, lets go to Mandy’s. I have to get some work done today.”

\--------------------------------------------------

            Mandy was waiting at the door when Henry pulled up. She was incredibly excited to learn how Shawn had done on his tests. “How did it go?” She asked as Henry approached the door.

            “The doctor confirmed it. He is one smart cookie.” Handing Shawn to Mandy, he continued . “They're probably going to test more later on but today’s marathon tuckered Shawn right out.”

            “Ok, Mr. Spencer. I'll put him down for a nap. Have a good rest of the day at work.” Mandy waved as Henry mussed Shawn’s hair before leaving. She took Shawn inside and decided to grab a blanket from the play area so he could lie down.

            Noticing a new face, Shawn pointed at a boy his age who was playing with the same blocks he liked. “Who’s dat?”

            Mandy saw Shawn point towards a small black boy playing alone in the corner. His mother had started bringing him a couple of days before and he still wasn't over the shy phase yet. “He is new here. His name is Burton Guster. He's a very smart boy, just like you.”

            Shawn glared at the new addition. He was not happy that the other boy was playing with what he considered “his” blocks. Mandy saw the look and misinterpreted it as curiosity. “Don’t worry Shawnie. You can play with your new friend after you wake up from a nap. Let’s go.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gus! Now I know what some of you are thinking, Gus and Shawn didn't become friends till they were about six... well that could still be correct. In one episode, Gus mentions them showering together when they were three. I figured it wasn't a fast friendship and that it started out as an epic rivalry that never really quit.


	4. Gus Who?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shawn and Gus get acquainted due to their parents' mutual need for breaks from their kids.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to step up the timeline a bit when I wrote this so the story could actually get anywhere past age three. This chapter covers a lot of ground and gets a little dark towards the end...

**Chapter 4- Gus Who?**

**Santa Barbara** **February 1982**

“Ok Shawn, what’s missing?” Henry had Shawn on his lap on the living room floor with ten cards in front of them. The doctor had gotten back to them that week and had given Henry and Maddie different exercises to do with Shawn to keep his mind in shape and stimulated. Since Henry didn’t have any fancy shape cards, he figured Shawn could settle for regular cards from a deck.

            Something ended up catching his son’s eye and he was momentarily distracted. Henry figured he was starting to get bored.

            “Shawn, pay attention.”

            “I’m twying.” Shawn complained.

            Getting another idea Henry kneeled in front of his son. “Shawn, do you want to try something with me? It could help you pay attention.”

            His son's widened excitedly and he sat up straighter. “Kay.”

            “Watch what I do, alright? Close your eyes and think hard.” Henry closed his eyes and pointed to his head. “Try to see the cards in front of you. It’s like taking a picture but inside your head.”

            Shawn closed his eyes and pointed to his head like his dad showed him. Henry rolled his eyes. He was just accentuating what he was showing Shawn he didn’t actually expect him to point to his own head.

            “Now tell me, which card is missing.”

            “The thwee.” Shawn stated.

            Henry smiled. Ever since he learned what Shawn could do he felt a burst of pride every time his son surprised him with something new. Maddie was starting to pressure him to put Shawn in some kind of school for gifted children but Henry didn’t want his son separated from everyone. He saw what happened to those kids who went to that school. Teased, bullied and put on pedestals.

            Henry’s face must have reflected his thoughts because Shawn ended up asking, “Daddy, you mad at me?”

            “No kid, I was just remembering something your mom said.” Henry admitted.

            “You mad at mommy?” Shawn was trying to guess what was wrong.

            “You are too observant for your own good sometimes Shawn.” Henry changed the subject. “Let’s grab you something to eat.” While heading to the kitchen the doorbell rang. Henry wasn’t expecting visitors and neither he nor Maddie hung out socially much so there was no reason anyone would need to be at their door. Being a police officer made him a bit paranoid at unexpected situations so Henry was on high alert.

            Putting Shawn down he told his son, “Wait in the kitchen.”

            Seeing the serious look on his dad’s face Shawn listened and scampered into the other room. Henry cautiously approached the door and flipped back the curtains. A rather short and pregnant black woman was standing there. He opened the door a crack and looked through.

            “Oh hi… Mr. Spencer?” The woman asked hesitantly.

            “Yeah, I’m Henry Spencer. Who are you?”

            Holding out her hand she replied. My name is Winifred Guster. You can call me Winnie. This is my son, Burton. We live just a couple houses down the street.”

            Looking down Henry saw a small skinny boy around Shawn’s age hiding behind his mother. “Can I help you with anything?” Henry asked impatiently.

            “Oh, I’m sorry. Our son’s go to the same daycare and I was able to talk to your wife yesterday. Wonderfully nice woman.” Winnie saw Henry was still giving her a rather cold stare. “Anyway, she mentioned that if you or she were home and I needed to run somewhere that you could watch my son for a little bit. I usually wouldn’t do something like this with a complete stranger but she mentioned you were an officer.”

            “Maddie said I would watch him for you?” Henry made a mental note to tell his wife not to keep volunteering him for things without telling him first.

            Winnie shifted uncomfortably. “Well, if you ever find yourself in need of your child being watched we could return the favor gladly.”

            _Watch Shawn?_ Henry was sold at that. He and Maddie hadn't gotten a moment's peace since their was born. He could be a bit of a handful and if someone was willing to watch him once and a while so he and Maddie could have some alone time... It was almost too good to be true.

            Finally giving Winnie a smile, Henry opened the door. “That would be great. How long do you need me to watch... uh, Burton was it?”

            “Yes, it’s not a common name is it? We named him after his uncle." She pushed her son out from behind her.  "It will only be for a couple hours. I have to do some shopping and my husband is not home.” Winnie kneeled down and started straightening Burton's clothes. “Now Burton, I need you to stay here for a bit. Remember Shawn? This is his daddy. You will get to play with him for a little bit and mommy will be right back okay?”

            Burton nodded and looked up at Henry with wide terrified eyes.

            “Thank you again Mr. Spencer. Remember, any time we are available and you need a sitter. Just let me know.” Winnie walked away as Henry escorted Burton in the house.

\-------------------------------------

**Santa Barbara** **July 1982**

            At first Henry was worried about Burton. He seemed like a very skittish child. Not at all like Shawn. He tried not to touch anything, and jumped when Henry tried to talk to him. After a few times over though, he realized that Burton was a pretty bright kid himself, but in a different way than his son. He spoke very deliberately and had impeccable grammar for a three year old.

            Henry had expected Shawn, as friendly as he was, to get along with the boy but it seemed the opposite happened. He had never seen Shawn act this way. Anything the child did, whether it was eat, play with toys or even speak, Shawn would try to make it a competition. At one point Henry had asked Shawn why he acted that way around Burton but Shawn just shrugged and continued to try and chug his juice faster than the other boy.

            Before long it was a tradition for the Gusters and Spencers to pass their children back and forth, especially on the weekends. The system worked out great for the parents who ended up getting more free time to spend with each other than either pair had in years. Unfortunately it wasn’t all that fun for Shawn and Burton. Once the period of shyness was over their rivalry seemed to escalate and more than once Henry or Bill, Burton’s father, had to stop a slap fight from turning into fists.

            Henry still worked on tests and games with Shawn but with Burton around to compete with, Shawn started to focus more and soon Henry was completely running out of ideas for activities. That was until he caught Shawn and Burton in another fight.

            “You moved it!” Shawn accused and stomped his foot.

            Burton countered, “I put it back!”

            “No you didn’t! It was facing dat way, now it’s facing dis way.”

            “Well, you move my stuff when you are at my house!”

            Henry stepped in between the boys, “Hey hey! What is going on here?”

            “Buwton moved my favowite toy!” Shawn pouted.

            Henry knelt down getting face to face with Shawn. “You are going to have to learn how to share. Remember, you are four years old now and you start school in a month. You are going to have to share with a lot more kids than Burton here.” Turning to Burton, Henry asked. “Did you move his toy without asking him?”

            Hanging his head, Burton nodded. “I just wanted to play with it. I tried to put it back but he always catches me. He can tell when I move anything.”

            Something in Henry’s mind clicked. He had been following the doctor’s instructions as per his wife’s request and was just working on puzzles and cards. Shawn was bored to death with those, but Henry had something different in mind now…

            “Hey kids. Let’s play a game. Go into the kitchen and I will move some stuff around the living room and see if you guys can figure out what I moved…”

\------------------------------------

            One of the things Burton had a tendency to do that really irked Shawn was correct him whenever he mispronounced a word. Henry noticed that his son’s pronunciation had greatly improved but then he'd started to purposefully make mistakes to make Burton mad. The worst was when he started mispronouncing Burton Guster’s name to the point where Burton would get so angry he screamed and stormed off.

            “It’s GUS-TER. G U S T E R!” Burton screamed at Shawn one day. “I know, you know how to say it Shawn!”

            “Well, it is a dumb name.” Shawn stated. “And so is Burton. You need a new one.”

            “I am not letting you name me.” Burton grumbled.

            “How about snotty cranky pants?" The look on the other boy's face told him it was a no. "Hmmmm…” Shawn trailed off thinking.

            “I’m not going to listen to you anymore.” Burton stormed off to another room to watch some TV.

            Shawn perked up and shouted after the retreating boy, “Wait! I got it now! Don’t you want to hear what it is?!”

\---------------------------------------

            Mandy waited at the door of the daycare center, she watched Henry and Maddie unload Shawn who was squirming with impatience. With pre-school starting and the Gusters helping to watch Shawn, Mandy didn't get to see much of him anymore. So it was a nice treat when Henry brought Shawn over to the daycare for a visit.

            “Shawnie! Oh look at you! You have gotten so big!” Mandy picked Shawn up and grunted at his weight.

            “I missed you! Why don’t you come visit us?” Shawn questioned.

            “Well I suppose I could, one of these days.” Mandy looked at Henry for an okay and got a positive nod in return.

            Maddie put her hand on Henry’s arm. “We figured we would stop over for a few minutes and see how you were doing before heading to the grocery store.”

            Mandy smiled, “Well I am glad you did. How is Burton, he and Shawn still not getting along?”

            “That is the understatement of the century. We have to stop them from killing each other daily.” Henry admitted gruffly.

            “It is just child rivalry. They'll get over it soon.” Maddie waved off Henry’s concern.

            Sighing, Henry stated. “Well, we better be off. Say goodbye to Mandy. You'll see her again soon.”

            Shawn gave Mandy a big hug. “Goodbye Mandy.”

            Mandy returned the hug and set Shawn down and looked at his parents. “You take care of this little genius ok?”

            Smiling and nodding Maddie and Henry each grabbed one of Shawn’s hands and led him towards the vehicle. Shawn was already asking when they would be able to see Mandy again and both parents promised him it would be soon.

            Unfortunately, Henry found out two days later at the police station that the promise to his son would have to be broken. He was filling out some paperwork on a traffic stop when he happened to overhear two officers talking about  Mandy's address and soon found out why. Mandy’s body was found at her daycare center earlier that morning. She had been murdered, in cold blood.


	5. The Littlest Detective

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Mandy's murder, Henry becomes obsessed with finding her killer, and Shawn gets a home away from home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys aren't still mad at me over Mandy but it was for a reason... you'll see.

**Chapter 5- The Littlest Detective**

**Santa Barbara** **August 1982**

            Henry slammed his head down on the desk and groaned loudly. Two weeks. It had been two weeks since Mandy was murdered and the SBPD was still no closer to finding her killer. Henry had made sure he'd been one of the first officers at the scene and it was not pretty. She had been stabbed, brutally, and after eight years on the force he could say he had never seen anything so horrible. For something like that to happen to such a sweet young woman was enough to push Henry from determined to obsessive.

            As busy as she was, even Maddie could tell that this case was almost killing her husband. He wasn’t sleeping, and he spent his nights poring over the case files. He had procured those with a bit of sneakiness on his part. The two detectives in charge of the case, superstar cops Boone and Peters, along with Chief Wilkins did not want Henry going anywhere near this case due to his personal connection with the victim, so he took it into his own hands and snuck into the records room when they weren’t looking.

            Unfortunately Henry had not gotten much further in the case than the detectives had. The only real clue the case had to go on was a muddy boot print on the kitchen floor that didn't match any of Mandy's shoes. The problem was it could have come from one of the parents who had picked up their child that day. Mandy didn’t have a boyfriend and nothing was taken from the house. All in all, it looked like a random killing and the thought that someone got away with it was eating Henry up inside.

\-------------------------------

            Shawn entered the study and chanced a cautious glance at his father. He could not remember a time when he had been this angry with him. Even after he had gotten into the refrigerator and poured barbeque sauce all over his dad’s uniform when he was two. His dad had made the comment that putting barbeque sauce on everything made it better… unfortunately for him Shawn took it literally and thought he was making his dad a better cop by emptying the bottle down his dress blues. Lately though, every time Shawn entered the room Henry would grumble and stop working until his son left.

            "Daddy?" Shawn asked tentatively.

            Sure enough, Henry jumped at the sound of his voice and started hiding his paperwork with a sigh. "What is it Shawn?"

            "Did you want to play a game?"

            Henry shook his head, "Daddy has a lot of work to do." He replied impatiently. "Why don't you go ask your mother to read you a book?"

            Shawn may have only been four but he knew how to take a hint and decided to leave his dad alone. Hanging his head low he walked to his room without another word.

\------------------------------------

            Maddie watched the exchange from across the room and scowled. Marching up to her husband she put her hand down in front of him, covering the pictures he had been staring at for hours. “Henry, we need to talk.”

            “Can’t you guys see I'm busy? I'm working Madds.” Henry gestured to the pile.

            Still determined to get through to her husband Maddie pushed the issue. “We need to figure out what we are going to do with Shawn on the weekends that the Gusters can’t watch him now that Mandy is gone. I was thinking he could spend some time with you at the station.”

            Henry shook his head, “No, no. Absolutely not. The station is not a daycare. Who would watch him?”

            “There are always people there Henry. Even if you are out on a call you can set him in a room and someone would be able to keep an eye on him.” Maddie had spent a lot of time at the station and knew what she was talking about. “I just want you to start spending time with him again. You know, he thinks that you're mad at him.”

            Giving his wife a puzzled look Henry raised his voice, “That's ridiculous. Why would he think that?”

            Grabbing a chair and sitting next to her husband Maddie explained, “You are the one who showed me how observant and smart our son is. You've been avoiding him, and whenever he comes in the room you hide your work from him. He doesn’t know _why_ Henry and he is starting to think it is his fault." She took a deep breath, knowing her husband would not like what she was about to say. "You need to tell him the truth about Mandy.”

            Henry scowled, “I don’t want to tell him anything until I can look my son in the eye and say I got the man that killed his friend.”

            “You are a good man Henry.” Maddie leaned over and hugged him. “But you can’t solve them all by yourself. At this pace you're going to be dead by the time you are thirty.” She gave him a quick peck on the cheek before getting up to go put Shawn to bed.

            “Maddie…” Henry gently grabbed his wife’s arm to stop her from leaving. “I’ll take him to the station this weekend and see how it goes.”

            “Thank you Henry. I'll see you in a little bit. I have a story to read our son.”

            Maddie walked out of the room and Henry sighed. He started to pack up the case files when a fleeting thought occurred to him. “My son could probably solve this case in no time.” Shawn had been getting very good at their “What’s Missing?” game. Shaking off the thought, Henry finished putting things away and headed for bed knowing it was going to be another long week.

\-----------------------------------------------------

            The station was buzzing with activity and Shawn was having a hard time keeping up with everything going on around him. He had been here only a handful of times with his dad, usually to meet his partner for something or pick up a check, never to stay and watch his dad work. "Wow..." Shawn breathed out in awe.

            Henry saw the excited look in his son’s eyes and smiled.

            They walked up to a middle aged man with brown hair and a moustache. “Brett!” Henry greeted his friend.

            “Hey there Henry! Who do you have there?” Brett leaned down so he could get a good look at Shawn.

            “This is Shawn.” Henry introduced his son who gave a small wave.

            “Well, hello there Shawn. My name is Brett Connors. I am a friend of your dad’s.” He held out his hand and Shawn shook it.

            Henry laughed and corrected his friend, “Isn’t it Captain Connors now? Finally got that promotion?”

            “Yeah, can you believe it?” Brett shook his head and stood. “So is Shawn going to be joining us today?”

            Henry nodded, “The people that have been helping us out are out of town with their son. I okayed it with the chief and he said as long as it doesn’t become a habit it should be fine.”

            “I understand how it is. I have a daughter his age.” Brett admitted and looked at his watch. “I have to get going to a meeting. You take care Henry, and stay out of trouble yourself Shawn.” He shook a finger in the boy's direction.

            After watching the other officer leave, Shawn looked up at Henry. “Dad, why can’t Mandy just watch me like she used to? I miss her.”

            Henry’s features did not betray the enormous amount of guilt his son had just made him feel. Looking down at Shawn, Henry stated simply, “She is out of town right now. On a long vacation.” Henry gave Shawn a reassuring smile. “Don’t you think she deserves a vacation with having to put up with little ruffians like you?” Henry bent down and tickled Shawn before lifting him onto his shoulders and walking to his desk.

\---------------------------------

            Over the next few hours Shawn went from excited to extremely bored. Henry saw the transition from Shawn watching everything he did to watching his feet swing back and forth while sitting on a chair. “Shawn, you don’t have to sit in the chair all day. You can move around. Just stay in sight and don’t bug the other officers if they are busy.”

            Hopping down from his roost Shawn began to wander around the immediate area, checking out what the other officers were doing. His wandering gaze settled on a peg board covered in photographs that had been shoved behind a desk. He pulled up a chair and looked at each the pictures. It was mostly photos of men in orange jumpsuits in front of a wall, but a few looked like they were grainy and shot outside. Shawn recognized one of the men on the board, one of the outdoor pictures. He was a bagger at the grocery store his mom took him to every week. Shawn grabbed the picture and was about to take it to his dad when a large hand stopped him.

            “What do you think you are doing young man?” A stern older man in a suit glared at him.

            Shawn knew he wasn’t supposed to touch anything and was just caught red handed. “Uh…”

            The man picked him up and brought him back to his dad who looked worried when he saw who the man was. “Chief Wilkins… What happened?”

            “I knew it was a mistake to let you bring your son here!” Chief Wilkins yelled. “He was trying to tear apart the Most Wanted wall.”

            Looking at the ground in shame Shawn handed his dad the picture that was still gripped in his hand. Henry took the photograph and looked at it. It was Bernard Flores, the third most wanted man in California. He had killed four teenagers on the side of the road over a year ago and disappeared without a trace. “Why did you grab this Shawn?” Henry asked curiously.

            Shawn opened his mouth to answer but the Chief interrupted. “He shouldn’t have been running around anyway Spencer, it is not the police in this station’s job to babysit.”

            “Sir, with all due respect, I am asking my son a question.” Henry glared at the Chief who was taken aback at Henry’s harsh tone since he was usually so respectful to his superiors.

            Shawn looked up and shrugged. “I saw him before. I know where he is.”

            More than one officer stopped what they were doing to listen in on the conversation. “What do you mean you know where he _is_?” Chief Wilkins asked skeptically.

            “He's at the grocery store mommy and I shop at but he has a mustache like daddy's friend... and short hair.” Shawn tried to remember the name of the store. “S-Mart…no… Shop Mart!” Shawn grinned.

            “Chief how fast can you get someone over there?” Henry’s face was serious as he handed the picture back to his son, who took it eagerly.

            Chief Wilkins scoffed. “You can’t possibly think that I am going to send one of my officers on a wild goose chase after something a kid made up to get himself out of trouble.”

            Henry’s eyes flashed with anger. He pointed a finger at the Chief’s chest, “Don’t you dare talk about my son like that. I bet my job that that man…” Henry pointed at the picture still in Shawn’s hand. “…is working at that store. Are you willing to bet your job _Chief_?”

            Shawn’s eyes widened. He had thought his dad could only get that mad at him.

            Chief Wilkins bent down, presenting his hand, and Shawn gave him the picture. Straightening and clearing his throat, Chief Wilkins shouted, “Abrams! Grab a squad and get down to Shop Mart and see if you can find this man.” Turning to Henry, Chief Wilkins growled, “If this turns out to be wrong Spencer, your career is finished. I will make it my personal duty to make sure you spend the rest of your life in the file room! Am I clear?”

            Henry swallowed hard, “Crystal clear Chief.”

            As Chief Wilkins stormed back to his office Henry collapsed into his chair wondering what had he done. Shawn climbed up on his lap and surprised him with a hug. Ruffling his son’s hair they both torturously waited to see if the officer had found anything and if Henry would still have a job when the day was over.

\---------------------------------------

            Less than an hour later they both got their answer. Bernard Flores was brought into the station in leg and arm shackles. As he was paraded down the center isle towards the holding cells a round of applause started. Soon, officers were smiling and surrounding Shawn giving him high fives and congratulations for catching one of the most notorious killers in the area.

            The Chief was standing in a doorway of his office and saw what had happened. He caught Henry’s eye and nodded in approval before turning around and heading back through the door.

            Henry stood back from the crowd and watched Shawn get his credit for helping out with the capture. The nagging feeling in the back of his mind resurfaced. Could his son really help with Mandy’s case? Of course he wouldn’t tell Shawn it was Mandy’s case. He wasn’t even sure he really thought Shawn could help but after today… just maybe…he thought his four year old son could solve another murder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember, Shawn used to want to be a cop like his dad and I felt this is something that could have happened when Henry brought him into the SBPD. Plus I also figured it would take a bit of convincing to let a kid have free reign over the station.


	6. Tug of War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maddie sneaks Shawn into testing and Henry doesn't react well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bleh, holidays are way too busy for me. Here is the next edited chapter!
> 
> This chapter is a bit psychology term heavy. Did a bit of research to get things right. Hope you guys like it.

**Chapter 6- Tug of War**

**Santa Barbara** **August 1982-**

            "Shawnie! Hurry up we're going to be late for the conference!" Maddie shouted at her son.

            Shawn came sprinting through the kitchen and skidded to a stop at his mother's feet. "Is daddy coming with?"

            Maddie bent over and placed a kiss on her son's forehead. "He had to work the afternoon shift. It will be just us tonight."

            Shawn smiled at his mother. She had been busy a lot lately and he was excited to spend some time with her, even if he had to spend more time at his pre-school. They headed to the car and pulled up in front of the school fifteen minutes later.

            Maddie gently pulled Shawn along the hallways. He had wanted to stop and show her all the art projects that the class had worked on but Maddie only had so much time before Henry came home from work, and she didn't want him to know why she had taken Shawn to the school.

            As they entered the classroom, Shawn noticed two other adults were sitting at a table near the center of the room. Shawn recognized his teacher but wasn't sure who the other man was. He was also concerned by the determined look on his mother's face and the apprehensive one on his teacher's.

            "Mrs. Spencer, thank you for coming." His teacher, Mr. McCaney stood and shook her hand. "This is Dr. Hennessey. He will be the one testing Shawn today." The doctor nodded in acknowledgment.

            Shawn's brow scrunched in confusion, "But mommy, daddy said..."

            "Your dad is not here Shawnie. He doesn't have to know." Both the other's in the room looked uncomfortable at that statement. Neither wanted to put Shawn in the middle of a parental dispute, but his mother was paying for this test so they had to go through with it.

            Dr. Hennessey motioned for Shawn to sit with him while Mr. McCaney went to go talk with his mom. Shawn looked longingly at his mother but she put a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Honey I need you to listen to this man for a while okay. He's gonna play some games with you."

            Shawn reluctantly nodded and watched Maddie leave. He turned to the doctor who was organizing some papers. "Now Shawn, I am going to ask you some questions and I need you to answer as best you can okay?"

            Shawn nodded slowly, still worried about what his dad would say if he knew he was here. He could tell his mother was lying to his dad about something, and that made him uncomfortable. His dad always told him not to lie.

            "Good." The doctor smiled, "Now could you complete this sentence for me... A doctor is a man who...."

            Shawn looked at him, confused. He wasn't sure what kind of answer the man was looking for. Was he asking what a doctor did? Wasn't he a doctor? Shouldn't he know already? What if the doctor was a woman and not a man? What kind of doctor was he asking about because the one time his dad said a dentist was a doctor too when he had been scared during his first visit to one.

            Apparently Shawn was taking too long a time to answer because the doctor had to get his attention. "Shawn!" Shawn jumped and looked at him. "Do you know the answer to the question?"

            Shawn shrugged and looked at the ground.

            "Alright, lets try something different. A glove goes on a hand, a shoe goes on a what?"

            "A horse." Shawn replied simply.

            After giving Shawn a blank stare the doctor asked, "What makes you say that?"

            Shrugging again Shawn answered, "I like animals and my mom told me that horses wear shoes too..."

\--------------------------------

            While Shawn did his testing, Mr. McCaney and Maddie went out into the hallway to talk. The teacher was still feeling apprehensive. "Are you sure you want to do this without your husband's knowledge? If Shawn is placed into a higher grade or a special school he is going to have to be told Mrs. Spencer."

            "Henry doesn't realize how much of a good thing this could be for my son. He is just afraid of him being seen as different." Maddie replied. "Is he getting along in class any better lately?"

            Mr. McCaney rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "Besides Burton Guster, he doesn't interact much with the other kids. He tried at first, but I think the other kids are boring to him. Burton keeps his attention, mostly for the fact that they argue almost constantly."

            "Do you think he is smart enough to go to an advanced class?" Maddie asked bluntly.

            "I definitely do. His cognitive memory is incredibly advanced but..." He sighed, "His attention span needs work. His mind obviously works different than most and it may be beneficial to put him on some kind of medication later on to help with that. Being a psychologist yourself I hope you can understand." Mr. McCaney hated to tell parents that their children may need medication but in Shawn's case it was a necessity. The boy just could not stay focused enough to apply his intelligence.

            Maddie did not want to get emotional over this news but she couldn't help it. She sniffled a bit and Mr. McCaney put a hand on her back in comfort. "We will see what the test results say before I make any decisions."

            Maddie hoped her son did well.

\-----------------------------------------------

            Two hours later the testing was complete. Both Shawn and Dr. Hennessey were exhausted. No one had ever tried him so much in a test as much as Shawn had. He turned towards the door and motioned for the waiting pair to come in the room. "Mrs. Spencer, could I have Mr. McCaney take Shawn for a moment? I want to talk to you about the testing."

            Shawn's teacher guided him out of the room asking, "Shawn, do you want to show me your drawing? It was one of my favorites...."

            As the door closed, Dr. Hennessey let out a long sigh. "As I am sure you know, your child is a bit... different. I understand earlier this year he was given the Wechsler test for children?"

            Maddie nodded, "They said that he was well above the average IQ."

            "Well, today I administered what is called the Stanford Binet test. It is for children we already suspect to be genius level as the Wechsler mostly to test a child with a normal intelligence."

            "So you are saying that Shawn is a genius?" Maddie's brows knit together. She wasn't sure where the doctor was going with this.

            Dr. Hennessey wiped some sweat off his brow. "It was a bit bizarre to say the least. I can definitely say that Shawn is a very intelligent boy. He has an incredible memory and aced that part of the test but the logic questions were a bit of a problem for him. He tended to over think some of the simple questions and others he came up with such outlandish replies I had to struggle to find out why he would answer that way."

            Maddie was a bit taken aback, she had never really had Shawn say anything that could be considered outlandish. "What kind of things did he say?"

            Clearing his throat and looking at his clip board he read, "I asked him deer was to antlers as goat was to (Blank) He replied...Old man Fuller."

            Maddie started to hysterically laugh. By the time she was done the doctor was wondering if she was a bit insane and had passed it to her son. "Oh," Maddie said recovering from her laughing fit. "I can explain that one. Mr. Fuller is our neighbor and he yelled at Shawn a few weeks ago. I told him to not worry about him because he was just a mean old goat."

            Dr. Hennessey was beginning to understand. "If that is the case then a lot more of his answers will make sense. Anyhow Mrs. Spencer, I am not sure Shawn would do well in advanced placement right now. Maybe in a couple years but I fear if he jumps into it too soon, he may get left too far behind."

            Maddie was incredibly disappointed. She had really wanted Shawn to succeed in this. "I understand Doctor. Thank you very much for taking the time to come down here." She shook his hand.

            Dr. Hennessey remembered something before leaving. "One more thing you should know about Shawn, Mrs. Spencer, is that he is incredibly adept at reading people."

            "Reading people? Are you talking about their emotions?" Maddie already knew Shawn was good at telling how people felt.

            "Not just emotions, facial tic's and micro expressions. I had to cut the test short because Shawn started figuring out from my reactions how to answer the questions and I didn't want to have the test results skewed."

            Maddie didn't know what to say to that, so she just nodded and left  to look for her son. The doctor stayed in the room, wanting to speak to Mr. McCaney when he came back in. Maddie looked at her watch and groaned. It was after 7pm. Henry would definitely be home by now and would wonder where they were. Grabbing Shawn's hand and saying farewell to his teacher, they headed home.

\-----------------------------------

            Sure enough, when the pair returned to the house, Henry was waiting at the door. "Where have you been! I was worried sick! I was just about to call the station and see if they could send out a car to find you."

            Maddie scoffed, "Don't you think you are overreacting Henry? It's only been an hour since you got home."

            "Yeah an hour, an hour where I had no idea where you were. Don't you remember that there is a..." Henry was about to say killer running loose but he remembered Shawn was standing there at the last minute. "...a person of ill repute who was not apprehended as of yet." He hoped some of the words were too big for Shawn to know.

            "Henry you are getting paranoid! Shawn and I were just having a conference with his teacher." Maddie figured it was best to get the fight over with since Henry was already upset. Maddie ushered Shawn in the house so the neighbors wouldn't see what was about to happen.

            As they walked into the house Henry glared at Maddie knowing she was hiding something. "What kind of conference was it?"

            Maddie waved her hand dismissively, trying to downplay the whole thing. "We wanted to see if Shawn could be placed in an advanced class. As it turns out they think he is fine where he is for now."

            Henry looked at Shawn, "Kiddo could you go to your play room. Me and your mother are going to have a chat."

            Shawn hung his head and did as his dad said. His parents waited until he left the room before the real shouting started.

            "You knew how I felt about Shawn getting put in one of those advanced schools and you went behind my back!"

            "I just wanted Shawn to be given every chance he could to excel! How could you not want that for him?"

            "Of course I want him to do well! How could you say I don't?"

            The arguing rose in volume until Shawn had to cover his ears to drown out the shouting. The fight ended when Maddie walked out to the car and pulled out of the driveway with screeching tires leaving Henry alone to take care of Shawn.

            Henry found his son buried in a pile of stuffed animals and blankets, he knelt down and said gently. "Shawn, can you come out and talk to me kiddo?"

            "NO!" Shawn shouted and buried himself deeper.

            Henry reached in with one large hand and pulled his son out gave him a hug. "'I'm sorry we yelled. Your mommy and I just had a disagreement."

            "It's my fault... because I'm weird." Shawn sniffed and wiped his eye with the back of his hand. "The kids in my class call me weird."

            Anger flared in Henry's eyes and Shawn cringed away thinking the anger was directed at him. He grabbed his son by the shoulder and gave him a reassuring squeeze. "Shawn, you are special. Don't ever let anyone tell you different. You are a smart kid." He saw Shawn relax a bit at the statement.

            Henry sighed. He was still very angry with his wife going behind his back with Shawn. He got an idea. If Maddie can go running off trying to see what Shawn was capable of... so could he. "Shawn, I am going to take you to Mandy's house."

            Shawn's eyes lit up at the suggestion. He really missed her. "Do you think she'll have her special double chocolate chip cookies?"

            "I'm sorry Shawn, she is not there right now but she wants me to play a game with you. You know our game what's missing?" Shawn nodded. "Well we are going to go to Mandy's house to play..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to put some Henry/Madeline angst in because one of the things they fought about was how to deal with Shawn's abilities and I figured they started fighting early and poor Shawn is caught in the middle.
> 
> Next chapter is going to get a bit dark for obvious reasons...


	7. Playing Ketchup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Henry takes Shawn to Mandy's crime scene, against his better judgement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a little bit of gore in this one but not much. Hope you enjoy Shawn's first crime scene experience!  
> Sorry the update took so long. Lots of stuff to write for Christmas and not much time for editing.

# Chapter 7- Playing Ketchup

# Santa Barbara August 1982-

            Henry and Shawn pulled up in front of Mandy’s dark house. The car ride had been quiet so Henry had enough time to come up with some kind of story to explain the condition that the house was in once they got inside.

            “Shawn.” Henry’s son looked up at him expectantly. “Mandy is still on vacation but her house was broken into.”

            “Someone stole from her?” Shawn asked worried.

            Henry nodded, “Yes Shawn. They also threw a bunch of ketchup around the house. This happened a couple weeks ago, so the ketchup might stink a bit, but Mandy heard about the great job you did at the station and wants to see if you can help her.”

            Shawn bounced in his seat. He was happy to hear that Mandy was proud of him and wanted to make her happy by helping catch the bad guy who robbed her. "Can we go in now?"

            Henry nodded and got out of the car. He went around and opened Shawn's door so he could get out, and helped him down to the ground. He pulled out the key he had made shortly after the murder, he often visited the scene looking for more clues but had come up with nothing each time.

            Opening the door Henry stuck his head in and looked around. From the front door you could barely see the large bloodstain where Mandy's body lay until it was found in the play room. At this sight Henry lost his nerve. He turned around to face his son who was standing directly behind him waiting to go in. "Shawn, I think we might want to wait. Mandy might know more when she gets back..."

            "But dad!" I want to do this for Mandy!" Shawn whined. "I want her to be proud."  Seeing the skeptical look on his dad's face Shawn gave him his most charming smile. "Pleeease?"

            Henry sighed, "Ok Shawn, but remember! Don't touch anything and stay away from the ketchup stains."

            Ushering Shawn in the house and turning on the lights Henry heard his son gasp. A panicked thought shot through him. _Oh no! He knows! I'm so stupid to bring him here._

            "Oh! Mandy is going to be mad." Shawn quelled his father's anxiety with that innocent statement. He continued to look around at the few splatters on the wall and a big puddle of dried "ketchup" on the floor. Then walked carefully around on the carpet avoiding any of the mess. "It smells in here daddy." Shawn held his nose with a grimace.

            "Yeah Shawn. I know." Henry replied sadly.

            Shawn looked around the play room and didn't see anything out of place. "Nothing is missing." He admitted with a pout. He wandered into the kitchen, noticing the muddy boot print next to the back door instantly.

            Henry saw Shawn make a determined path towards the only physical evidence from the killer that they had. That boot print had been the thorn in Henry's side for weeks. He couldn't understand why there was only a single one. It had been raining and if the killer had entered the kitchen he would have left a trail of muddy footprints.

            "Someone missed the rug." Shawn said simply.

            Henry looked at his son confused. "What did you say?"

            Shawn pointed to the rug next to the footprint. "Someone took off their shoes and missed the rug with one."

            Henry took a closer look and sure enough it wasn't a foot print exactly. A walking print would leave a smear as the person pushed with their foot. This print was perfect. No smears or distortions. Someone had left their shoes at the door and the mud ran off and created the print.

            "It was someone she knew." Henry mumbled. Why would a run of the mill killer be polite enough to take off their shoes at the door!

            While his dad was busy looking at the footprint Shawn got bored and started to look around the kitchen some more. He grumbled "Messy." when he looked up and noticed on the underside of the counter was more ketchup smears. Shaking his head at how mean people were to steal things, he left it alone like his dad said and wandered around the kitchen.

            Ten minutes later, Henry knew it was time to go. He hadn't known what he really expected to accomplish. His dream was that Shawn would be able to blow the case wide open so they could catch the murderer, but helping figure out the murderer was someone Mandy knew was a small help though. They headed out of the house and Henry secured the door.

            Seeing the sadness on his dad's face Shawn looked down and fiddled with his hands. "I'm sorry. I tried daddy. Will Mandy be mad?"

            Henry kneeled down and looked Shawn in the face. "Sometimes even if you try your best, it's not good enough." He hated to give his son such a disappointing life lesson, but it was the truth. "The point is you tried your best and Mandy will be proud of that."

            Shawn nodded. "When she gets back you think we can help her clean up the mess?"

            "Yeah Shawn, we can help her." Henry was finding it extremely hard to keep lying to his son. "Shawn you know..." Henry started but Shawn interrupted him.

            "...Because the robber left some ketchup smears under the counter that I can reach for her."

            Henry froze, _Did_ _he just say ketchup under the counter? That wasn't in any of the files._ Springing into action, Henry quickly unlocked the door. "Show me where the ketchup is Shawn!"

            Shawn winced at Henry's raised voice but did as he was told, bringing his dad in the kitchen and pointing to the smeared blood under the counter next to the back door and the print.

            Henry bent over and saw _exactly_ what he had been waiting for. Fingerprints. Four of them. It looked like the killer had tried to catch himself or prop himself up while putting on their shoes before leaving. "Shawn, you did it!" Henry exclaimed. "Let's get you home! I have to report this to the chief!"

            Henry picked Shawn up and hurried out to the vehicle. They made it home in record time.

            Maddie was there when they got back. She had started to demand Henry tell her where they were when he silenced her with a deep kiss on the lips. After coming up for air Henry smiled at his wife and ran out the door to his vehicle without a word.

            Struck speechless, Maddie just stared out the open door with wide eyes.

            Shawn waved at his dad and looked up at his mom. "Does this mean you and daddy aren't mad anymore?"

\--------------------------------------------

            Henry didn't come home until late the next morning, he was exhausted but they had spent the night getting the forensics done on the blood and the prints. The blood had definitely been Mandy's. The fingerprints belonged to the father of one of the children Mandy had been watching. They were able to search his house that morning and found not only some voyeuristic photos taken of Mandy through an outside window, but also the murder weapon that was buried in the garden.

            At first Chief Wilkins was furious that Henry had gone into the crime scene but once he found out about the new and crucial evidence, all was instantly forgiven. He even got a congratulations from Peters and Boone as they brought the murderer into the station. It was quite the collar.

            Henry collapsed into his arm chair as a tired Shawn came downstairs rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. "Did you catch the bad guy?" He asked yawning.

            Henry smiled and nodded, grabbing Shawn and sitting him on his lap. If Shawn only knew the great thing he had done, but Henry had decided that he was never going to tell him. It would break his heart and most likely cause him to have nightmares for a long time. He would just have to tell him Mandy had decided to stay where she was, he would have to make it someplace pretty. Sure, Shawn would be sad for a while but he would be able to remember Mandy as a beautiful lively young woman. Which was only right. Henry looked down and found Shawn had fallen asleep on his lap.

            Maddie walked into the room a minute later and leaned against the door frame. "Shawn told me the excitement you had last night. Care to elaborate?"

            "Yeah, but later okay hon? I am beat, and it has been a long month." Henry closed his eyes and felt his wife put a hand on his. "We have a great kid don't we?" Henry admitted.

            "Yeah we do, just no more crime scenes okay? At least until he's six." Maddie gave Henry a sly look.

            Chuckling, Henry pulled her closer and gave his wife a kiss on the head. "I promise...."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I figured I would at least end this chapter on a happy-ish note since it was so dark. Plus you get to see some of Maddie's humor, since Shawn got most of his from her.


	8. Frenemies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shawn and Burton's reluctant friendship is put to the test when a familiar bully tries to give Shawn a Nickel Sandwich.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter marks where the story really started to evolve. It started out just as Henry figuring out what Shawn could do but I wanted to take it a bit farther to flesh out some of the things that happened in Shawn's childhood that made him how he is in the series.

**Chapter 8- Frenemies**

**Santa Barbara** **September 1984-**

            Shawn had thought second grade would be different, he really wished that it was, but he found out very soon that he was wrong. He was still stuck with Burton Guster, or Gus as Shawn had renamed him, and he was still teased for being the smart kid. It had gotten worse the year before. Being able to read novels when most of your classmates are reading “See Spot Run” was a big indicator that you were different.

            Shawn had found out quickly that in school, different was bad. His parents had tried to do their best to tell him that being smart made him _special_ but he was really beginning to hate that word. If special meant you got beat up every day, then he really didn’t want to be special. Fortunately though, Gus was smart too and had been useful in deflecting some of the teasing from Shawn in the past, so maybe having him around wasn’t so bad after all.

            The torture ended up getting so much worse when a new kid transferred to their class that year. He was a large child with a bad attitude named, Jimmy Nicholas. He had fast earned his nickname Jimmy Nickels because he had a tendency to steal people’s lunch money. From his first day Shawn could see this kid was out to make lives miserable. He was a year older than everyone in their class because he was held back a year at his last school. When he came to Santa Barbara Elementary, swirly incidents went up tenfold along with absenteeism among nerds and geeks of all grades.

            The breaking point for Shawn came only a month into the school year. He had been out on the playground by himself. Gus was inside helping a teacher clean chalk board erasers…voluntarily. Shawn had mentioned that it was dumb of Gus to volunteer for something normally used as a punishment which resulted in an argument that left both of the boy’s left arms sore from multiple punches. Even after the argument, Shawn was reluctant to be out there alone. Being alone meant he was an easy target and a trained predator like Jimmy spotted him from a mile away.

            “Hey loser!” The large boy approached cracking his fingers. “You still hungry freak? How about a Nickel sandwich?” Shawn had no time to react as a fist hit him square in the face, knocking him on his back. “C’mon weirdo! Get up!” Jimmy taunted.

            Trying not to show how afraid and hurt he was, Shawn stood up so he could at least be a moving target. Jimmy brought his fist back again, aiming once again for Shawn’s head. Shawn instinctively put his hands up in front of his face and braced for the impact.

            “Shawn!” a voice to his left shouted his name. Peeking through one eye he saw Gus was running up to him looking squirrely and nervous. “Mrs. Olson wants you to come inside for something.” His darting eyes let Shawn know instantly that he was lying, but it was currently stopping him from getting his face beaten, so that was a good thing.

            Unfortunately, Jimmy wasn’t buying it either. “Scram wimp and I won’t hurt you till later!”

            Gus was shaking in his boots but he stepped forward anyway. “She will be mad if he doesn’t go…” Jimmy moved quickly and pushed Gus roughly to the ground. Tears welled up in the smaller boy’s eyes.

            “HEY!” Shawn shouted causing Jimmy to turn around. Knowing a worse beating was coming no matter what, Shawn decided to at least get a few jabs in himself. Even if they had to just be verbal ones. Squinting, Shawn noticed that Jimmy was shifting from side to side. His dad had said doing that was a sign of nervousness, probably because he was afraid of getting caught by a playground aid beating kids up. Shawn also knew that Jimmy was held back a grade so he decided to use that information to his advantage. “If you come one more step I will scream for the teachers and tell them you hit me.”

            Jimmy snorted. “They won’t believe you.”

            “I know you don’t know how to add butt face, or you would realize there are two of us and only one of you. The teacher will believe two people telling the same thing over one person. Cops do it all the time, but you wouldn’t know that would you? You have to be _smart_ to know it.” Shawn gave Jimmy an innocent toothy grin.

            “Shut up dillwad!” Jimmy shouted.

            Gus was just getting to his knees and added in, “I don’t think he knows English very well either. Dillwad is not a word.”

            Spinning towards Gus Jimmy was starting to turn beat red out of embarrassment and anger. Gus’ eyes widened and he ducked down into a protective ball as Jimmy raised a large fist just as the end of recess bell rang.

            Shawn took advantage of the distraction and pushed the bully forward. Jimmy ended up tripping on Gus and landing in a groaning heap on the ground. Reaching down Shawn grabbed Gus’ hand and they ran as fast as they could for the school.

            “You know you just made us targets for life right?” Gus panted as they ran next to each other.

            “What did you want me to do? He was going to kill you!” Shawn pointed out.

            “He was killing you first Shawn! I saved you!” Gus corrected him.

            “It happened both ways! We're even.” They slowed down as they entered the school. They were somewhat safe and neither saw Jimmy following them.

            Gus looked at Shawn and saw his eye was swollen and he was squinting in pain. “Are you ok?”

            Shawn touched his eye where he was punched and winced. It hurt a lot but the worst thing about it was that he would have to explain to his dad why he has a bruise. It was going to be a long lecture about fighting with other kids. Sighing, Shawn looked over and saw that Gus was actually pretty concerned about him. “Why did you try and save me? I’m barely even nice to you.”

            Looking down and kicking his feet nervously Gus stated, “Well, you are kinda my only friend.”

            Staring at Gus, Shawn realized that maybe the other boy was right. Maybe they were friends. He knew he didn’t have anyone else to hang around and if Gus liked him enough to risk certain death, Shawn could stand to call him a friend. Smiling and putting an arm around him they walked down the hallway to their next class. “Thanks for saving me buddy.”

\----------------------------------------

            Henry was reading the paper when Shawn returned home from school. He looked up and despite his son’s effort to hide it, noticed the black eye. He stood immediately and stopped Shawn from running to his room. “What happened?”

            “I hit my head on the corner of my desk.” Shawn knew his dad would know if he was lying, but he did it anyway. It made him feel better about the lecture he was about to get.

            “Did you get in a fight at school?” Henry narrowed his eyes and realized he was right. “Shawn! You're six years old! You shouldn’t be fighting.”

            “So you are saying that when I am not six I'll be able to fight?” Shawn had learned a long time ago that his dad hated it when he took things literally.

            “That’s not what I….” Henry stopped and pinched the bridge of his nose. The last thing he needed right now was to get into an argument with is son. “All I’m saying is that fighting in school will only get you in trouble.”

            “But dad…” Shawn wanted to explain that he had not started anything but Henry interrupted him.

            Pointing up the stairs he stated, “Go to your room and think about what you did Shawn.”

            Shawn stayed where he was. “I promised Gus I would go over to his house later! I don’t wanna spend all night in my room!”

            “Now Shawn!” Henry commanded as Shawn huffed and headed for the stairs, stomping his feet the whole way up.

            Henry watched his son slam the door to his room and rubbed his eyes tiredly. He hated to be so stern with Shawn all the time but the kid had a knack for trying to get out of things and needed a firm hand. Fighting was something Henry wouldn’t tolerate, especially from his son. He would have to have a talk with Maddie tonight and see what they should do, if she even came home before Shawn had to go to sleep.

            Sitting back down Henry realized something else that Shawn said bugged him. “Since when did Shawn _want_ to go over to Burton’s house?” He wondered to himself. “I had to have heard him wrong. Those kids hate each other.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said in previous chapters. I don't think Shawn and Gus' friendship was a fast one. They had to learn to like each other and it is pretty evident during the early flashbacks where they were always competing and being kinda mean to each other. I think in the end it made their friendship stronger because they actually had to work at it.


	9. Fishing For Compliments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sick of being ignored and made fun of, Shawn takes matters into his own hands and realizes what it takes to finally be cool.

**Chapter 9- Fishing for Compliments**

**Santa Barbara** **November 1985:**

            "I am going to stand here even if it takes all night for you to confess what you did!" The detective shouted and slammed his hands down on the table in front of him. Shawn watched wide eyed. He had seen his dad angry before but the look of rage on this detective's face was unparalleled and made Shawn grateful that he was not the man in that chair. "I can smell you are guilty!" The short detective sniffed.

            "Now Peters, let's take a breather." The man's partner, a large black man with a shaved head, stepped forward and pulled Peters away from the criminal currently cowering in the chair.

            Gus turned to Shawn, "And I thought your dad was scary." Shawn slowly nodded and continued watching the action happening on the other side of the two way mirror.

            His dad had wanted him to see what it was like to interrogate a suspect. They were doing the "Good Cop, Bad Cop" routine as his dad put it.

            _"You two are going to sit here and watch how the detectives work."_ Apparently his dad had figured this was the easiest way to keep them out of trouble.

            Boone approached the cowering criminal. "Sorry about my partner, he gets worked up sometimes." Pointing at the man's class ring he stated. "University of California... I went there myself. Class of 72." The man's eyes brightened at this.

            "I'm class of 78." The man admitted.

            Smiling and reaching inside his pocket Boone pulled out a Twinkie and moved it towards the man. "You want something to eat. Sorry it can't be more. Civil servant's salary you know."

            Shawn squinted. He knew the detective was lying to the man but then he also saw the ghost of a smile form on the criminal's face before he hid it. Pointing the smile out to Gus excitedly he exclaimed, "He made him laugh."

            Gus cocked his head trying to get what Shawn was pointing out. "I didn't see anything."

            Throwing his hands up in defeat Shawn went back to listening.

            "Now Mr. Solomon, lets talk about what happened to you yesterday. It says in your statement that you...'Were walking past the department store, a robber ran into you and the TV he was carrying just happened to fall into your hands before the REAL thief ran away.' Is this statement correct?"

            With his mouth full of twinkie he nodded enthusiastically. "I didn't want the TV to break so I held onto it, ya know?"

            Meanwhile, Peters had opened the door and taken a file from Henry who had returned from his errand. Peters looked at it and smirked before stepping forward, "Was this so called 'other' robber wearing gloves?"

            "No..." Mr. Solomon's face scrunched in confusion.

            Laying a file down in front of his partner so he could look at it Peters explained his statement. "We ran the prints on the TV and there were only two sets on them. The store manager's, and yours."

            "Shawn this is boring. How much longer do we have to be here?" Gus complained. When Henry walked in the observation room Gus gave him a sheepish look and tried to pretend like he hadn't said anything. Shawn was not listening, however. He had noticed the genuine surprise on the man's face at the detective's words.

            Apparently the two detectives saw the surprise too, which is what they were counting on. Turning to his partner Peters said, "Boone, send two officers down to the department store and question the manager. He just _happened_ to be at lunch during the robbery."

            Boone got up and shook Peters hand before hurrying out the door. Mr. Solomon looked around confused. "What just happened?"

            "What happened is once we get the manager's statement I am sure you will be free to go." Peters clapped the man on the back and walked out of the room.

            Henry leaned down between the seated boys. "Did you guys see what made the detectives think he was innocent?"

            "He was shocked because he thought someone else's fingerprints would be on there, because... he didn't do it?" Shawn said uncertainly.

            Ruffling Shawn's hair, Henry walked out of the room without another word. "So, were you right?" Gus asked. He was always puzzled by Henry and Shawn's relationship. His dad always told him when he was proud but it seemed to Gus that Henry never even said 'good job' to Shawn very often. Mostly, Shawn would get a smile, or a pat on the head to let Shawn know he was happy, but Gus could tell that it disappointed Shawn that his dad never just outright told him so.

            "Yeah, I guess." Shawn mumbled and looked at his hands for the rest of their time in the observation room.

\-----------------------------------------

            Later that evening, Shawn's mom was tucking him in when he voiced a question he had since the interrogation. "Mom. Why do the detectives at the station put on an act while questioning a suspect?"

            Madeline pursed her lips. Henry had Shawn learning more police procedures again. Sighing she replied, "It is a type of psychological approach. People are always more accepting of others when they are more like themselves or have something in common. The detectives pretend to be interested in the things that the person they are questioning are so they will open up and admit more."

            Maddie saw her son's eyes move back and forth like he was trying to figure something out. "Does that work all the time?"

            "Most of the time." She admitted nodding.

            Shawn rolled over. Satisfied with the answer his mom gave him. "Goodnight mom."

            Puzzled at her son's odd behavior but glad she could get him to go to bed without an hour's worth of begging, she decided to not look this gift horse in the mouth. "Goodnight Goose."

\---------------------------------------------------------

            "Who would like to come up and answer the next question?" Ms. Hanson, Shawn's 3rd grade teacher asked the class. When no one volunteered she frowned. "Fine, I will pick someone." Her eyes ghosted around the room before landing on Shawn, who groaned inwardly. "Shawn Spencer. Could you come up and answer the question for the class?"

            Sighing and getting up he could hear the other kids snickering at him and saw others roll their eyes as he made the walk of shame up to the black board. Looking at the problem, 'How do you write 16 as a roman numeral?' he knew the answer right away.

            As Shawn reached up to write the numerals he heard someone whisper, "The teacher's pet does it again." Followed by more snickers.

            Getting angry, Shawn remembered what his mom had said to him the night before. People liked others who were more like they were. That was probably why he and Gus got along..."But what about everyone else? What would they do?" Shawn wondered. He closed his eyes and thought for a moment.

            "Shawn, do you need help with the problem?" His teacher asked. Apparently he was taking too long.

            Opening his eyes and shaking his head Shawn wrote his answer on the board. As he finished the snickers turned into a full out classroom wide laugh, except for Gus, who looked at his friend like he had gone completely insane.

            The teacher didn't appreciate it either. "Shawn Spencer! You will stay after class for that young man!"

            Shawn winced at his teacher's raised voice but all but forgot about it a moment later when the boy in the front of the class gave him a high five. Shawn stared at his hand the whole way back to his chair. No one had ever given him a high five before... and he liked it. No one was laughing at him anymore either.

            As soon as he sat down, Gus leaned over and whispered fiercely. "Are you crazy Shawn!? Your dad is going to kill you!"

            Leaning back in his chair Shawn put his feet up on his desk. "It was worth it Gus." He smirked as the class watched his teacher frantically erasing "FART" from the black board.

\------------------------------------------

            Over the next few weeks Shawn's reputation grew until he was almost expected to do something wacky in class. Not only did it get him friends besides Gus, it got some girls to talk to him too. One of those instances with a girl named Elisabeth, left him with a black eye but after his dad explained it was because she liked him he didn't feel so bad, but swore he'd never understand women.

\----------------------------------------------

            "Shawn is just at the stage where he feels he has to act out for attention." Maddie kept trying to convince her husband who was practically pulling his hair out in frustration. "It is a phase. He'll grow out of it." His wife assured him.

            "Maddie! He is getting detention almost every day! I can't keep picking him up on my afternoon shifts and the Gusters are getting angry because their son usually has to stay behind with him until I go get them."

            The door opened at that point and both Shawn and Gus walked in. He had not gotten detention that day and both were able to take the bus home. "Dad! I am going over to Gus' house!" Shawn yelled from the doorway.

            "Oh no you are not!" Henry marched up to his son. "You are going to help me clean the fish I caught yesterday."

            "But Daaaaad!" Shawn whined.

            Henry pointed to the door as Maddie came around the corner to see what was going on. "Gus, you can go home now. Shawn has to stay here." Shooting his friend an apologetic look Gus left quickly.

            Shawn stamped his foot, "I don't know how to clean fish dad."

            "Well I am going to teach you, and you are going to clean fish every time I bring some home until your grades start improving again and you stop getting in trouble at school. Now march!" Henry watched as Shawn trudged down the hallway dragging his back pack.

            Maddie walked up and laid a hand on Henry's shoulder. "You know, if you use fishing as a punishment he is never going to want to go with you."

            Giving his wife a shocked look Henry replied, "Who wouldn't want to go fishing?" Maddie rolled her eyes and walked away, hoping when he grew up, Shawn wouldn't be as stubborn as his father.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now we all know how Shawn became the attention hound he is!


	10. The Truth is a Hard Pill to Swallow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shawn's attention problems get worse, and his parents seek psychological assistance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge thank you to Psychrulz for giving me official permission to start this story arch. 
> 
> The next couple chapters will be an answer to LovePsychFic's challenge that someone write what happened during the childhood incident Henry referenced in Psychrulz's awesome story, "A Bitter Pill" which can be found on Psychfic.com

**Santa Barbara- March 1987:**

 

            Sparse clapping heralded the end of probably the weirdest, if not the worst talent contest entry in the history of the entire school. Most of the audience were looking at each other, wondering what they’d just witnessed as the duo high fived and waved as they exited the stage.

            Henry and Maddie were sitting in the third row of the school auditorium watching their son and his friend perform. Henry and Maddie had gotten there late and had barely been able to find seats next to each other, much less next to the Gusters, who were a few rows down, and seemed to be clapping the loudest out of everyone.

            Henry stared at the departing pair with unhidden mortification. "That is not my son." He stated, causing his wife to smack him in the chest.

            "You could have at least clapped." Maddie gave him a disapproving look.

            Henry shrugged his shoulders. "I don't even know what I was supposed to be clapping for. I have no idea who they were!" He'd seen the boys running around in wigs and fighting more often the past week. He suspected this was probably why.

            "Well, I heard Shawn say something about Billy Ocean...I’m not sure who that is, but I know Gus was Michael Jackson." Maddie smiled at her husband, "Weren't they cute Henry."

            Henry grunted then looked around. Everyone else was still staring forward as another child took the stage. The last thing he wanted to do after watching Shawn's awkward performance was to watch other people's children's awkward performances. Turning towards Maddie he asked, "Do we have to sit through all of these?" The statement only earned him another smack to the chest.

\----------------------------------------------

            An hour later, Henry was finally able to get up and leave. Maddie seemed to enjoy herself and he had to admit they weren’t _all_ bad, but he could have done without seeing a kid squirt milk out of his eye. They had just started heading backstage to grab their son when a woman Henry recognized as Shawn's teacher caught them.

            "Mr. and Mrs. Spencer, can I talk to you for a moment?"

            Shifting out of the isle so they didn't get run over by the other departing parents, Maddie asked, "What can I help you with Miss Teague?"

            "I need to talk to you about Shawn..." She looked over her shoulder to make sure Shawn was not approaching and continued. "I am sure you know about Shawn's high level of distractibility." The huff from Henry was all she needed to continue. "I looked at his records and this seems to be a recent development in the past year or so. The principal told me to let him know if it continued into the new year, and it has."

            Henry was getting impatient. He crossed his arms and asked, "What exactly are you trying to tell us?"

            Miss Teague sighed. "The principal would like me to recommend that Shawn be tested for Attention Deficit Disorder."

            "Attention what?" Henry had never heard the term.

            Maddie, however, _had_ heard of it. Her face fell and she nodded as if figuring out what the teacher had been getting at. "You want to put him on some medication to help him concentrate."

            Before Miss Teague could answer Henry shook his head. "No. I will not have my son put on some mood altering substances. I can talk to him and we can try to work through it."

            Putting her hand on her husband's arm, Maddie looked at him seriously. "Attention Deficit Disorder is not exactly a behavior disorder. It has to do with chemicals in the brain. We should at least try."

            Henry scowled. His wife knew just how to get to him. He didn't know much about medical issues and if Shawn was really sick and not just being difficult, he wasn't going to deny his son a chance to get better. "Fine. I don't like it, but fine."

            "We’ll set up the appointment and let you know." Maddie said to the teacher.

            Shawn ran up a moment later and the conversation they had been having was put on hold. "Dad! I can't believe we lost! That kid didn't even shoot the milk that far!"

            Henry grumbled something along the lines of, "That's too bad." before ushering his family quickly out of the school.

            The whole ride home something in the back of his mind was nagging him. Shawn had become more distractible within the last year. Before then, even when his son was messing around in class, his teachers never said that he was distracted.

            Shaking the thought, Henry tried to put it out of his mind and focus on how he was going to explain to Shawn that they were most likely going to have to put him through more tests. His son would never go for it, without some extreme convincing.

\-----------------------------

            "Shawn get in the car!" Henry yelled at his stubborn son. He had told Shawn they were going to a psychiatrist for some more testing. He hadn’t told him what kind, but at the word ‘testing’ Shawn flopped to the floor in a passive boneless heap. "I don't want to have to carry you! Damn it Shawn you are 9 years old! Act like it for once!"

            From his laying position on the floor Shawn looked up at his dad. He didn't want to go for testing. Every time he had been tested in the past it was a headache for him. Fights between his parents, more doctors saying how brilliant he was... he didn't want to be brilliant. He wanted to be normal. "I don't want any more intelligence tests dad. You can't make me do them."

            Sighing in defeat Henry admitted, "This isn't for intelligence tests Shawn. It's for a medical condition."

            Shawn sat up instantly. "I'm not dying am I?" He asked with wide eyes.

            "You aren't dying Shawn! They just want to do some tests." Henry added slyly, "If you do this I will stop and get you some ice cream."

            Shawn narrowed his eyes, trying to figure out if this was a trick, "Any kind I want?" he asked tentatively.

            "Any kind."

            Standing abruptly he held out his hand to his father who shook it. "Deal."

\-------------------------------

            Henry watched his son while in the waiting room. His eyes flicked over everything before settling on his shoes. Any time someone walked by his eyes came up and studied them for a moment before settling on his shoes again. Henry could see how teachers would think that he is distracted, especially when there was so much going on in a classroom. To him, it looked like Shawn was just taking in his surroundings, but his wife was the medical expert so he decided to trust her for now.

            "Shawn Spencer?" An older man called into the waiting room.

            "Here." Henry stood but the man stopped him.

            "This is just for Shawn Mr. Spencer. I’ll let you know when we are done." He gave him a reassuring smile before Shawn slowly shuffled his way after the doctor with only a short glance back at his father which was just enough to make Henry feel really guilty.

\---------------------------------

            Once the pair got to the office the man turned to Shawn. "I'm Doctor West. I’ve heard a lot about you from the other psychologists in the hospital."

            "Great." Shawn grumbled unenthusiastically.

            Smiling, Dr. West started asking Shawn some questions. "How often do you find yourself going from one thought to another?" "Do you find yourself getting easily angered?"

            Shawn answered each of them as truthfully as he could, albeit with a little more sarcasm than necessary. He was still concerned he could be dying, but after a while the interview started to sound like every other testing he’d been through and began to think his dad had been lying to him.

            After the questioning Dr. West wrote some notes then asked Shawn to come with him. He brought him to a small room with a small light. He handed Shawn a trigger with a button that looked like a joy stick. "Shawn. I am going to turn the lights off and that light will blink. I need you to press that button as soon as you see that light blink ok?"

            "Ok..." Shawn didn't see how this was going to help him, but he shrugged and nodded.

            Turning to leave Dr. West stated, "I will be back soon. Good luck."

            As soon as the lights went off Shawn watched the light. At first it was fun to try and catch the light as fast as he could. There was no pattern to it so it was a bit challenging. After a couple minutes though, Shawn started to get bored. Blink, click, blink, click. "Boringggg..." Shawn said to the empty room. "Oops!" He had missed a blink. He started wondering what would happen if he missed too many. So he missed another one, and another.

            After a few more minutes of sporadic clicking whenever he felt like it, he got an idea. He started to press the button as many times as he could. By the time the doctor came back Shawn was at 1,236.

            "Ok Shawn, lets see how you did..." His voice trailed off as he saw the test results. They started out ok but after a while, it was not pretty. "Shawn you pressed the button over a thousand times."

            "I was trying for 2000 but you came back too fast."

            Looking at the boy with raised eyebrows the doctor stated, "The counter only goes up to 1000."

            "You should really get a better system." Shawn shrugged and handed him the trigger back.

            Leading Shawn out to the waiting room he motioned for Henry to come with him while Shawn stayed behind. "Mr. Spencer, I would like to talk to you."

            Henry followed the doctor to his office and took a seat. He got a bit uncomfortable when the man started to pace the room. "Mr. Spencer. I would like to recommend a drug called Ritalin for Shawn. It has done wonders for a lot of people like him."

            "What did Shawn do?" Henry asked with slumped shoulders.

            "Well, some of his test answers were concerning. He get's frustrated and angry a lot. He admitted to having trouble keeping his thoughts on one task. Then there was the kinetic test. I tested his concentration and apparently he thought it better to press the button I gave him as many times as he could."

            Henry would have laughed at that if he hadn't been so embarrassed. If his son was going to be a cop he HAD to have better concentration than that. "Maybe he does need the medication." He admitted.

            Dr. West nodded. "I know it isn't easy to hear but it will be better off in the long run for both Shawn and you. I can only imagine how exhausting it must be to have a son like him." He handed Henry the prescription. "We will start him out at 10mg daily, then increase it slowly to 20mg."

            Taking the prescription, he walked out of the office, trying to hide his emotions as Shawn would pick up on them instantly. His son looked up as soon as he entered the waiting room. "So what is the verdict?" Shawn looked worried.

            "The doctor prescribed you some medications. We will have to start them tomorrow."

            "I still get ice cream right?" Shawn asked excitedly, all traces of worry gone now that he thought about the treat. It wasn't often he could get a snack out of his dad without jumping through more hoops than the dolphins at the marina.

            Shawn never knew when his dad would pop out the "How many hats?" line and he would have to perfectly recite each one or go without what other kids just had to ask for so he got into the habit of watching everything around him.

            "Yeah kid. Let’s go get you some ice cream... but first, how many tiles are on the ceiling of the waiting room?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The button mashing incident was a bit of a dramatization of real life. They honestly expect to put a child in a dark room with nothing but a button and a screen for a half our and expect them to NOT see how many times they could press it? C'mon son. I only got up to 500 before I got caught though.


	11. Side Effects May Include...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shawn has some unexpected side effects of his new medication.

            **Santa Barbara- March 1987:**

            The medicine tasted horrible. Shawn had to chug an entire glass of water just to get the rancid taste out of his mouth. “I can’t believe I have to take two of these a day.” Shawn whined and glared at his father. His mom would never make him do this. Too bad she had to go to a conference in New York for a week.

            Shawn had begged her to take him with but she had just smiled and said _“I’ll see you next week Goose._ ”

            Henry closed the cap on the bottle and put it back in the cupboard. “Stop whining Shawn. The doctor’s said that this would help you concentrate in school. Now go get ready. The bus will be here in fifteen minutes.”

            “Whatever.” Shawn mumbled and grabbed his coat roughly from the hook and made sure to slam the door as he left.

\--------------------------------------

            Shawn trudged towards the bus stop like a man walking down death row. Gus instantly saw the dejected look on his friend’s face. “What’s wrong Shawn? You look like someone died.”

            “Something died alright, my pride. Dad took me to some kind of doctor yesterday and they put me on pills.” Shawn pouted.

            Gus was instantly intrigued. “What kind?”

            “Something …rite a lin.…” Shawn trailed off not sure if he was saying it right.

            “You mean _Ritalin_?” Gus corrected his friend. “I’ve heard of other kids on that. Dude, they turn into zombies on that stuff! They just stare forward in class and veg out.”

            Shawn scrunched his nose. “That’s not true! You’re just trying to freak me out!”

            “It is so true!”

            “Is not!”

            “IS TOO!”

            Shawn knew Gus was probably right, but he didn’t think his parents would purposefully want to turn him into a vegetable... would they? Now Shawn was completely freaked out. “Gus! You have to help me! My dad really _is_ trying to kill me!” Another, more imperative thought hit him, more important than his life, this could _ruin_ his reputation. “Gus you can’t tell anyone about this.” Shawn didn’t normally beg but this was a special case.

            Gus had to think about it a bit. Mostly to annoy Shawn into thinking he was actually going to tell someone, but really, who would he tell? “Give me the cookie from your lunch for a week and you have a deal.”

            Shawn glared appraisingly at his friend. “You drive a hard bargain. Three days of cookies and I promise I’ll help you with your math homework.”

            “Deal.” Gus held out his hand to shake but the bus had pulled up, so Shawn only had time to bump the outstretched hand before getting on. Gus looked at his hand then yelled after Shawn, “That still counted!”

\------------------------------------------

            By the time Shawn got to school he had started to feel weird. He felt a bit of tingliness in his arms and legs that he tried to shake off without Gus noticing. So far he was succeeding but it was becoming increasingly hard to sit still.

            Once they had gotten to class and everyone had settled in their seats, their teacher Miss Teague wrote on the blackboard the two most dreaded words in the history of schools: POP QUIZ.

            A collective groan that Shawn was more than happy to join in on cascaded through the classroom. The only one smiling was Gus.

            The teacher shook her head, wondering if anyone had even prepared for today’s lesson. She stole a glance at Shawn who seemed to be fidgety this morning. His father had called the day before letting her know that they had put Shawn on some medication so she had been expecting it to some degree and was chalking it up to nervousness. It was stressful on a child to start medication.

            Once she was done handing out the test she sat at her desk and read off the list of vocabulary words the class needed for the test while keeping an eye out for cheating. "Eyes on your own paper Jimmy!" She shouted suddenly as Jimmy Nicholas tried to copy from the girl on is left.

            Shawn was staring at his paper while tapping his pencil. He closed his eyes and tried to picture the words as the teacher said them. "Shawn, please stop tapping your pencil, it is distracting the other students." Shawn looked up and the teacher and half the class were staring at him.

            "Sorry Miss Teague." Shawn said sheepishly as his teacher went back to the vocabulary words. He started to bounce his foot and looked out the window. _It's a nice day out. Man! I can't wait until I get to go home and play. Only six and a half more hours._ Shawn sighed.

            Shaking the thought he turned towards the front and heard Miss Teague say, "Word 15: 'Thought' -I thought about making this test easier." She smiled at her own joke and the class giggled politely.

            Shawn looked at his paper. He only had up to number nine! "How did I miss six questions?" He accidentally said aloud.

            "Is there something wrong Shawn? Do you need to go to see Principal Tropp?" Miss Teague was getting mildly annoyed by this point and the snickers started. Shawn hated the snickers so he bowed his head and gave up on the test. If he already missed six questions the last four weren't going to matter much anyway.

\------------------------------------

            The lunch bell was a welcome sound. The whole first part of the day had been a bust. The test had only been the beginning and he could tell the teacher was getting really upset with him. He couldn’t help it though. His head hurt, but at the same time he felt all floaty. He didn’t know if it was the medication, but he hated it.

            As the class filed out, his teacher stopped him when he passed her desk. "Shawn, I need you to stay back for a moment."

            "Ooooooooo...." Jimmy and a couple other people cat called as they passed out the door. Gus stopped and was planning on waiting for him but Miss Teague shooed him out and closed the door.

            "Whatever it is I didn't do it." Shawn said quickly.

            "You’re not in trouble Shawn. I just wanted to talk to you." Sitting down at her desk she motioned him to another chair. "I am just worried about you. Your father called and said you were starting some medication today. Do you want to talk about it?"

            "No."

            Miss Teague sighed. "I know it is hard to be told you need some extra help but you shouldn't be nervous or ashamed. A lot of kids are taking medication to help them and it doesn't make them bad. It just makes them _different_."

            Shawn really hated that word.

            "If you ever need to talk, feel free to ask. I will be here for you okay?" She looked Shawn in the eyes and he nodded. "Now go outside and have some fun." She rose and opened the door for him, not surprised to find Gus waiting just outside.

            They both raced down the corridor. "NO RUNNING!" She shouted after them knowing it was pointless but still her job to say something. She was going to have to call Henry and let him know about Shawn's test. "Odd," She thought. "Shawn was a class distraction but he always did so well on tests." Shaking her head she sat down and started grading the rest of the quizzes.

\---------------------------------------

            By the time Shawn got home he was feeling exhausted. His head still ached and he felt like he’d run a mile. As much as he had wanted to play earlier, all he wanted to do now was fall onto the couch and watch TV.

            "Hey there kiddo." His dad greeted him at the door. Henry was wondering how Shawn was doing after the talk with the teacher this morning. She had called during his lunch break and said Shawn was a bit depressed. “Do you want to go out and play some football?”

            Shawn shook his head. He had even told Gus he didn’t want to go over to his house. “No. I don’t feel like it.” He walked past his dad and flopped down on the couch, grumbling about not grabbing the remote first as Henry had been watching Spanish soap operas again.

            “Well, let me know if you change your mind. Oh, by the way Shawn…” Henry walked into the bathroom and grabbed the bottle of Ritalin. “Time for your medicine.”

\----------------------------------

            The next day on the bus, Gus was staring at Shawn. There was something definitely wrong with him. He was pale, and for the life of him seemed to not be able to sit still for more than a second. This wasn’t a huge change, but normally Shawn not being able to sit still was more out of impatience and the need to be active rather than what Gus was seeing now.

            Shawn was for lack of a better word, jumpy. Anything that moved instantly caught his eye and he turned to look at it. It was like Shawn was trying to pay attention to everything at once and failing miserably. “Shawn, are you okay?” Gus asked concerned for his friend.

            “I’m fine.” Shawn mumbled bluntly. He was obviously not feeling fine but Gus knew Shawn didn’t want him to worry. Also, if Shawn was sick, that meant calling his dad and from what Shawn said, sick days in the Spencer household were never all that fun.

            “But Shawn you look really…” Gus started but Shawn interrupted him with a shout.

            “I said _I’m fine_ Burton.” Shawn snapped and Gus fought the urge to cry. As it was, his lip quivered, but he left his friend alone the rest of the way to school.

\-----------------------------------

            Shawn stared at the front of the classroom and wiped the sweat from his face for the millionth time in the last hour. “The times tables are a useful tool for calculating simple multiplications.” Miss Teague droned on. Shawn had given up trying to follow the class. Every light was too bright. Every sound was too loud. It was all giving him an even bigger headache then he’d had for the past two days straight.

            “Shawn… SHAWN?” Shawn’s head snapped towards the voice calling his name. Miss Teague was staring at him with a sarcastic smile. “Since you were paying attention so well to the lesson, why don’t you go up to the board and write out the times tables through the number five?”

            Shawn cocked his head. He almost wasn’t comprehending what she was saying, because all he could do when she was talking is stare at the little bit of something that she had in her teeth. “Shawn, are you even listening to me? Go up and do the problem I asked please.”

            Standing up and grumbling, Shawn trudged to the blackboard and picked up the chalk. The snickers started again. Even though he was happy enough to snicker when it wasn’t him, or to ignore them when it was… today he couldn’t take them. “SHUT UP!” He screamed turning towards the class. Twenty wide eyed fourth graders and a teacher stared disbelievingly back at him.

            Once Shawn was satisfied they had stopped he turned towards the black board again, wiping off more sweat. When he started to draw the lines for the table, they were shaky and uneven but a minute later he was done. He threw the chalk on the ground and walked back to his desk in a huff.

            Miss Teague was still staring at him in shock. She seemed to compose herself before saying, “Shawn, maybe you should go to the principal’s office you don’t look…”

            “Look, I drew the stupid table and you’re still going to punish me? What a hypocrite.” Shawn folded his arms and slouched in his seat.

            “W-what?” Miss Teague stuttered.

            “H-Y-P-O-C-R-I-T-E.” Shawn spelled out. “Do you need it in a sentence too? Miss Teague is punishing kids after they do what she asks which makes her a hypocrite.”

            “Go to the office right now! I am going to be calling your father!” The teacher angrily spat. “I have no idea what’s gotten into you today Shawn Spencer!”

            “That’s original, call my dad. It’s your answer for everything isn’t it?” Shawn scoffed and stayed seated. He wasn’t sure if he would be able to stand up anyway. His head was pounding and his chest was starting to hurt.

            Miss Teague took his arm and pulled him to his feet. “Get out of the classroom now.”

            Snatching his arm back he stumbled into a desk and caught himself with one hand and with the other grabbed his chest which had started to burn. He looked up and glared daggers at the teacher, “What makes you think you can tell us what to do huh? Just because you’re a teacher? You can’t have your own kids so you figure you’ll take care of everyone else’s right?” Shawn was yelling now.

            All the color rushed from the woman’s face and Shawn knew he hit her where it hurt. He had seen the longing in her eyes when she looked at her class but mostly it was the pamphlets and books he had glimpsed in her desk drawers. Pamphlets on conceiving and pregnancy. Since she had not had a baby after almost the entire school year he figured she was having a hard time of it.

            Gus, who had watched the scene in stunned disbelief, got up from his desk, went over to Shawn, and took his arm. “Let’s get out of here.” He looked up at Miss Teague, whose eyes had started to water, and sniffed in sympathy. He then proceeded to help Shawn out to the hallway and to the office.

            After the last outburst all of Shawn’s energy was gone. He didn’t even resist when Gus took him all the way down to the office and told the receptionist his dad needed to be called.

            The principal had come out wondering what was going on and Gus told him he needed to talk to Miss Teague about it. The boy was also running interference so Shawn wouldn’t have to explain anything in the condition he was in. He may have only been almost nine but he knew when his friend needed space.

            Shawn watched everything as he sat in a chair by the wall. His headache had mythic proportions, and he covered his eyes to block out the glare from the overhead lights. He stayed that way for the whole fifteen minutes it took for his father to get to the school.

            He could hear his father’s heavy boots approaching and thought, _This is it. I am going to be grounded for eternity for fighting with a teacher. My life is over._

\---------------------------------

Shawn dropped his hands from his face and squinted up at Henry who was in his police uniform, having just rushed over from the station after getting the call.

            Catching sight of his son he realized immediately he was sick. He kneeled down to get a better look at him. “Buddy, I need you to look at me.”

            Shawn met his dad’s eyes and Henry put a hand to his forehead. It wasn’t hot but it was wet from sweat. He checked his son’s pupils and they were unfocused and dilated. Henry had enough first aid training to know that was not a good sign.

            “Why aren’t you yelling at me?” Shawn asked weakly. The statement almost broke Henry’s heart.

            “I’m not going to yell at you kid.” He said softly.

            Most of the office staff were now watching what was going on as was Gus. “Mr. Spencer is he okay?”

            Noticing Gus was staring and getting worried Henry tried to reassure the sensitive boy. “He’s fine Gus.” He lied. Turning his attention back to his son, he asked, “Can you stand Shawn?”

            It looked like took a second for Henry’s words to register, but Shawn nodded. He gripped his dad’s hand and stood just as the principal walked back in with an angry scowl. “Mr. Spencer I’m glad you are here. I wanted to tell you that because of your son’s actions in class I have no choice but to suspend him for a week.”

            Henry leered at the man. “Listen, Mr. Tropp now’s not the time to…”

            “He disrupted the entire class and caused the teacher to cry. Your son is a distraction and until he can get his behavior under control he won’t be coming back here. I’m sorry.”

            Shawn looked like was getting angry again. “I only did what I was told to do!” He defended himself.

            Henry didn’t even look at Shawn. He was too upset with the principal, trying to lecture _him_ on how to raise his son.

            Shawn opened his mouth again to say something, but the only thing that came out was a muted gasp. He clutched at his chest and started to fall over.

            Gus saw his friend going down and grabbed him. “MR. SPENCER!” he shouted to get an adult’s attention.

            Henry and Mr. Tropp turned and saw all the color had drained out of Shawn and he had collapsed into Gus’ arms. He was clawing at his chest, almost like he was having a heart attack. _He’s only nine! That’s impossible!_ Henry thought frantically as he took Shawn out of Gus grip and tried to get him to stay awake. “Call an ambulance!” He shouted to the secretary when Shawn’s eyes started to close and his head dropped.

            “No! Shawn stay awake! You hear me? Stay awake!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gonna mention some stuff about medication and medical issues. 
> 
> I do know what Ritalin is used for and it does not make you a zombie... it's just something that Gus had heard and was repeating. Lol. Had a bit of a misunderstanding about that when I first posted this.


	12. The Heart of the Matter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shawn clings to life as his father desperately tries to find answers to his son's mysterious collapse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is mostly Henry centric and required a lot of research to complete. I've always loved seeing how much Henry loves Shawn and tried to do my best to capture a panicked Papa Monkey.

**Chapter 12- The Heart of the Matter-**

**Santa Barbara** **March 1987:**

            A team of doctors and nurses raced Shawn down the hospital corridor. Henry, who had ridden with Shawn in the ambulance, was right beside them. Shawn had regained consciousness for a short while but was mostly incoherent, especially through the breathing mask. Henry had tried to comfort him but was too shook up to do much more than say, “Its okay. You’ll be okay.”

His resolve almost shattered into a million pieces when his son had grabbed his shirt and latched on tightly, his small knuckles turning white with the effort. Finally, one of the nurses had to pry his fingers loose so they could examine him on the fly. The doctors were frantically trying to get any idea of Shawn’s condition.

            “What is his blood pressure?”

            “200 over 105. Heart rate is 120bpm.”

            “That’s extremely high. Has he been given anything?”

            “The EMTs gave him aspirin.”

            “We have to get his blood pressure under control!”

            Henry was trying to follow what they were saying but there was so much overlap he couldn’t catch it all. From what he did catch it didn’t sound good for his son. One of the doctors suddenly stopped and noticed him following the gurney. “Sir, are you the boy’s father?”

            Henry nodded and looked over the doctor’s shoulder at the gurney that was continuing on without him. “Yes I am! What the hell is going on with my son!?”

            The doctor put his hands out to stop Henry from running down the hallway. “Sir, I understand you want to go with, but I need to know a few things that could save your son’s life.”

            That statement caught Henry’s attention. “What do you need to know?”

            “Has this ever happened before?”

            Henry shook his head. “No, never.”

            The doctor wrote some notes down on a clip board. “Has he been acting different lately? Lethargic? Irritable?”

            Henry considered for a moment. “Yes, he seemed tired and his principal said that he fought with a teacher before collapsing. He may annoy them from time to time, but I know my son, he’s never actually _fought_ with a teacher before.”

            The doctor gave him a serious look. “Is he on any medications?”

            “He just started Ritalin yesterday. The psychiatrist had us start him on a low dose.” Henry wondered if the medication had anything to do with his son’s current condition.

            Suddenly looking worried the doctor asked. “Does your son have any pre-existing heart conditions that you know about?”

            “No. He’s never had a problem. What is happening doctor? I’ve never seen anything like this in a kid before...” Henry trailed off as panic really started to set in. He bent over, taking deep breaths. He was going to have to call his wife home from her conference if he could get a hold of her.

            The doctor laid a hand on Henry’s shoulder. “We will do everything we can to figure out what is going on but you will need to wait here so we can work. I will have someone come out and update you as soon as possible.”

            Suddenly feeling very tired, Henry gave in.

The doctor saw the slump in his shoulders, and took it as a sign of compliance. “The waiting room is over there.” He pointed to his left and hurried down the hallway after Shawn’s gurney.

            Henry put his head in his hands. If the doctor was concerned about the medication Shawn was taking, then it was a good chance that’s what had caused all this. _It’s all my fault. I should have looked into things more, fought harder against medicating Shawn. Something…_

            Henry, still blaming himself for everything, slowly walked over to the registration desk and asked to use the phone. He had the number to Maddie’s hotel room in his wallet. “Please be there…”

He slammed his hand on the flat top of the desk, startling the nurses, when he heard the room’s answering machine pick up. “Madds I need you to call the Cottage Hospital ER right away. Shawn was brought here in an ambulance.” Henry paused, trying to keep himself together. “Madds you are going to have to come back because…” He didn’t want to say it, he almost couldn’t say it. “…because this may be the last time we get to see our son.”

\-----------------------------------------

            Henry was still waiting for his wife’s call when the doctor returned a half hour later. His face was grim. Henry moved to stand but the doctor stopped him. “Mr. Spencer, please don’t get up. I am sorry we didn’t get properly introduced earlier. I am Dr. Matthews, cardiologist.”

            “Is Shawn alright? Can I see him?” Henry asked eagerly.

            Dr. Matthews shook his head. “Your son is still unconscious. From what I can tell so far he had a major cardiac episode.”

            _Why do they always have to use medical jargon?_ Henry narrowed his eyes. “What do you mean? _Major cardiac episode_? Does that mean my nine year old son had a heart attack?”

            “Essentially yes, but at this point we don’t know _why_. We are waiting on the echocardiogram…” The doctor trailed off when he saw Henry’s blank look. “We took pictures of how his heart worked and the results are not back yet.” The doctor took a chair next to Henry. “We may have to do surgery Mr. Spencer, and I just want to prepare you for that situation. Your son is very sick.”

            Leaning forward Henry rubbed a hand through his hair. He was supposed to protect his son and he had failed.

The doctor must have seen how upset he was and asked, “Would you like to sit with him while we wait for the results? He is stable now but we have a few machines monitoring his heart rate for any other problems.”

            Henry gratefully nodded and stood. Turning to the nurse’s desk he asked, “If a ‘Madeline Spencer’ calls, could you put her through to my son’s room?”

            “No problem officer.” She smiled. Henry looked at himself. He had completely forgotten he was still dressed in his police blues. He gave her a sad smile back and followed the doctor farther into the hospital.

            His heart broke when he walked into the room and saw how many machines Shawn was hooked up to. “Oh kid…”

            “I’m going to check on the results. I will be back shortly.” Dr. Matthews left to give them some privacy.

            Henry stood and listened to the beeping of the monitors and the pump of the breathing tube. He remembered Shawn’s weird behavior over the past few days but had pegged it as depression or rebellion for having to take the pills and not to the effect of the pills themselves. _What kind of cop am I that I can’t even notice when something is wrong with my son?_ Thinking back he remembered when he first realized Shawn was unique. He had been one of the last to notice that too. Was he a bad parent? Or did he have some sort of a blind spot where his son was concerned?

            Henry was stirred from his thoughts when the phone by the bedside began to ring. “Hello?”

            A frantic Maddie was on the other end of the phone. “Oh thank God you answered Henry! What is wrong with Shawn?”

            “They don’t know much yet besides the fact that our kid just had a heart attack. The doctors are trying to figure out more…but it’s bad, really bad. Madds−” He hesitated, not wanting to make his wife feel as bad as he did, but she’d find out eventually and it would be better to hear it from him. “Honey, they also think it might have something to do with the Ritalin.”

            There was silence on the other end of the line.

            “Maddie?” Henry thought the phone may have gotten disconnected.

            “I’m here Henry.” Maddie said in a quiet voice. “I’ll be back as soon as possible. It will be a few hours though, but I’ll call from the plane.”

            “See you soon… I love you.” Henry hung up and sighed. If he knew his wife, despite him trying to break it to her easy, she was beating herself up as much as he was.

\-------------------------------------------

            Five minutes later a team of doctors and nurses piled into the room. Dr. Matthew started barking orders instantly. “Get him prepped for surgery! Time is of the essence people!” Meeting Henry’s eyes he approached the surprised man.

            “Sorry for barging in but we got the test results back.” He handed Henry some papers. “Your son has what is called an aortic coarctation or a ‘narrowed aorta.’ It is a birth defect that causes the major artery to his heart is to be too small in one area to pump the amount of blood he needs.”

            Henry looked at the information, confused he asked, “How did this happen now, and does it still have anything to do with the medication?”

            “Apparently, what happened is your son had an adverse reaction to the medication that raised his stress levels which, coupled with the amphetamines present in the medication, caused his blood pressure to go up.” The doctor explained as the nurses and staff moved Shawn from the bed to a gurney. “The increased pressure on the artery and its inability to pump enough blood caused the heart attack."

            Henry wiped a hand over his face. This was all so confusing. He had hoped his wife would be here to help make any decisions, and translate. "Is there anything I can do?"

            The doctor nodded. "What I need _you_ to do Mr. Spencer, is to sign these papers so we can get him into surgery immediately.”

            He grabbed the papers and pen, but hesitated. “What are his chances of surviving the surgery?”

            “The surgery is relatively safe. I will have to give him an incision here.” The doctor pointed to the very middle of his chest and moved his finger down from his lower neck to his mid chest. “It is called a sternotomy. It’s relatively painless in the healing process and he should recover well.”

            Henry wasn’t buying it. “If everything is going to go so well, why are you all in such a hurry to have the surgery?”

            The doctor took a deep breath. “The longer his blood pressure stays this high the more damage it does to the heart.”

            It took less than ten seconds for Henry to sign all the needed papers to authorize the surgery. “Here.” Henry handed over the signed papers. “No go help my son.”

            Dr. Matthews nodded and followed the rest of the team out of the room with Shawn leaving Henry alone. Standing up he went back over to the phone and dialed the station. He had to tell the Chief that he was not coming back in until Shawn was recovered. He owed him for not listening and after the scare he wanted to spend as much time with his son as possible.

            “Santa Barbara Police Department.” The secretary answered.

            “Yes, this is Sargent Henry Spencer, I need to speak to Chief Wilkins…”


	13. In Stitches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shawn wakes up after surgery and makes some assumptions about who caused his collapse.

**Chapter 13- In Stitches**

**Santa Barbara** **March 1987:**

            By the time Shawn got out of surgery hours later, Maddie had joined Henry in the waiting room. Secretly, Henry blamed his wife for the predicament Shawn was in. _If it wasn’t for her and that teacher insisting Shawn be medicated, this never would have happened._ Henry thought bitterly.

            Then, he looked at the worried expression on his wife’s face and his anger melted away. He would have to have a talk with her about it later, but right now they had to be there for their son.

            Henry had updated Maddie on Shawn’s situation and saw her go from impartial doctor to hysterical mom seconds after telling her how close she came to losing her only child. “How could this happen? He’s so active, you’d think something would have happened before.”

            “The doctor said it just takes one thing Madds. At least it happened somewhere we could get help…” Henry stopped the thought. He didn’t want to think what would have happened if they hadn’t been able to get Shawn to the hospital so fast. He looked up, saw the doctor approaching and nudged Maddie to get her attention away from the floor and on the man coming up to them.

            The doctor walked up with a smile, which meant good news, but it did little to ease their worry. He reached his hand out to Maddie. “Mrs. Spencer I am Dr. Williams. I operated on your son.”

            “He’s okay right?” Maddie asked.

            “Your son did great during the surgery. We decided the best option for Shawn was to cut the constricted part of the artery out and connect the two ends to each other. We did this by making a sternotomy incision in his chest. Everything went good and it will heal nicely.”

            Maddie visibly sagged into Henry and hugged him close. “He’ll be alright.” She sighed, relieved at the good news.

            Dr. Williams continued. “He will need a lot of rest. It is best that we keep him in the hospital for a while and keep an eye out for any unforeseen problems but he should make a full recovery. You can see him now if you like.”

            Both parents nodded and followed the doctor to Shawn’s room, holding each other close the whole way. Things were going to be okay, but Henry wondered how Shawn would take it when he woke up in a hospital.

\---------------------------------------------------------

            A steady beeping heralded Shawn’s return to consciousness. His body felt worse than the time he and Gus decided to have a belly flop competition at the local pool. Both had come out of it with very bruised chests and stomachs vowing never to speak of it again.

            He tried to come up with a reason for the pain but the last thing Shawn remembered was falling forward and Gus catching him. _Dang it Gus._ Shawn thought. _Why’d you have to drop me when I fell, now I am all sore._

            Becoming more aware by the second, Shawn slowly opened his eyes and realized he wasn't at home in his bed. He was in a hospital. Turning his head to the right he saw his mom was asleep in a chair next to him. _Isn't she supposed to be out of town?_ He figured she had to have come back from her conference just to see him, so that also meant that he had been unconscious for a while.

            Shawn attempted to sit up but the pain in his chest worsened. With a small groan he gently lay back down. _Gus must have dropped me on the floor pretty hard when he tried to catch me if I am in a hospital._ Shawn put a hand on his chest. Scrunching his face in confusion he brushed it over the hospital robe. It felt like there was something underneath his gown. Lifting the cloth and looking down the neck hole Shawn gasped at the bandages and tube running out of his chest.

            It wasn’t a small bandage either. It ran from the base of his collar bone and neck to past his ribcage. The tube wasn’t big, but it wasn’t tiny, and it ran from his chest down past the edge of the bed. The stress of waking up and realizing he was Frankenstein’s Monster was too much for Shawn.

            _Oh my God! I'm dying!_ His breaths came in panic stricken gasps and he started to get dizzy. Then the heart monitors began to go off.

            The beeping alarms woke Maddie and she saw Shawn gaping in horror at his chest. Her hand was instantly on his, pushing it away from the gown and holding it tight. “Goose, it’s alright. You’re okay…shhhhh.”

            Tears fell on the bed sheets and Shawn let out hiccupping sobs, which sent even more pain through his mangled chest. “Mom, what happened?”

            “Something was wrong with your heart and they had to fix it baby.” Maddie brushed Shawn’s shaggy hair out of his eyes gently. It was torture seeing her son like this. She wanted to make everything better, take away his pain, but this time she couldn’t.

            Shawn glanced around the room but didn’t see his father. “Where’s dad?”

            “He stepped out for a minute. He’ll be back soon.” Maddie watched as Shawn’s eyes moved back and forth, taking everything in the room in and she felt a pang of anger towards her husband. Here her son was in the hospital after he almost died and the boy was still worried about making sure he knew everything in the room.

            She confronted Henry once about it but he had started a rant about how when he was a cop he would need to know little details. She turned her thoughts away from the incident before she had the chance to replay it in her head.

            She had been angry the _first_ time she heard it.

            “Mom?” Shawn had noticed his mom’s eyes un-focus. She usually only did that when she was remembering something. She blinked and gave Shawn a reassuring smile.

            “Sorry Goose. Just worried about you.”

            Shawn frowned. His mom was never one to worry much. His father was the worrier, not her. In a small voice he asked, “Why now?”

            Maddie gave him a confused look. “What?”

            Shawn was getting tired again but he had to have an answer. “Why did this happen now?” He had his suspicions, but he wanted to hear his mom say it first.

            Huffing out a breath, Maddie tangled her fingers in Shawn’s. “The doctors said it might have been a bad reaction to the medicine.”

            Shawn sank further into his pillow. “The medicine that _dad_ made me take.” He mumbled before losing consciousness once again, his breathing finally evening out.

            “Goose…Shawn?” Maddie touched her son’s shoulder gently before realizing he had fallen asleep again. She leaned back in her chair and bit her lip. Shawn blamed Henry for the medication. _I’ll tell him the truth when he is feeling better._ She reasoned _. I don’t want to upset him when he is in such a fragile state._

            The truth of the matter was, Maddie felt guilty. She knew she was making excuses for not telling him, but she was scared that her son would hate her for the bad decision.

            Henry entered the room moments later and saw Maddie was still holding Shawn’s hand. His son was also in a slightly different position. “He woke up?” Henry started getting excited.

            “Yeah. He fell back to sleep though.” Seeing the disappointed look in her husband’s eyes saddened her. “He’ll wake up again soon though. The doctor said it was normal for the first few days.”

            Sitting down across from her, Henry grabbed his son’s other hand. “What are you going to do for work? I took as much vacation as I could but I can’t stay here forever and the doctor said it might be a few weeks before he can go home.”

            “Maybe I could take vacation after yours runs out. That way at least one of us will be able to stay home.” Maddie reasoned.

            “We’ll get it worked out somehow Madds.” Henry sighed and realized this was going to be a long few months. “I love you.”

            Feeling the guilt returning she smiled sadly and looked at her husband, “I love you too.”

\-----------------------------------

            Over the next week Shawn had a lot more visitors than he was ever expecting. Of course Gus was the first one to show up a couple days after his surgery. It would have been sooner but Henry had told the Gusters that Shawn needed rest. So by the time he was able to see Shawn, Gus had already done two days of research on heart surgery.

            “Did you know that the first open heart surgery was performed in 1893 by an African American doctor?” Gus explained excitedly.

            Shawn didn’t know that little fact and honestly couldn’t care less at that point. He didn’t want to hear anything about the predicament he was currently in, but it was touching that his Gus had done a lot of research on what had happened to him.

            Before Gus could go into another rant about obscure heart trivia Shawn asked, “What is everyone at school saying about me?” He was honestly worried that all the work he had done to be popular was thrown out the window with his “little” breakdown. Gus’ guilty look was all he needed to figure out the answer. “That bad huh?”

            “Well, it isn’t all bad. Miss Teague explained that it was because you were sick so the talk is mostly about if you are coming back this year.”

            Shawn already knew the answer to that. He wasn’t. He didn’t see how he could sit in school when he couldn’t even _sit_. He had spent the last two days on his back, not even allowed to turn over because it would affect the “draining tube.”

            _Gross._

            “Well you can tell them I’m not. I get to be stuck here with my dad. He said he is going to teach me chess. How lame, chess is for nerds.”

            Gus gave Shawn a sad look before Shawn corrected himself, “Don’t’ worry. You’re a cool nerd Gus, because you hang out with me.” That brought a smile back to his friend’s face. They had talked for a while longer before Shawn felt tired again and Henry had ushered Gus out telling him he would have to come back tomorrow.

            Some police officers had visited Shawn as well. Frank Hastings had snuck him a brand new pack of playing cards behind Henry’s back and told him when he got out they would play a few hands of poker for old time’s sake.

            Get well cards had arrived from some relatives. His grandpa sent one saying that he was going to come visit him once he was out of the hospital. Shawn was really excited, he didn’t get to see his grandpa often.

            His class had also made some cards for him. Shawn was sure Miss Teague had made them do it though. Get well cards tended to be an assignment every time one of their classmates got sick so Shawn knew the drill and was expecting them.

            What he had not expected was Miss Teague bringing them herself.

\---------------------------------------------------------

            When Miss Teague walked in Shawn was just having dinner. His dad was watching some kind of detective show staring a balding guy and a woman who looked, curiously, a lot like his mom.

            “Excuse me? Shawn… Mr. Spencer?” Miss Teague asked timidly. Both father and son looked over and spotted her entering the room with a stack of cards.

            Henry pursed his lips. He didn’t really want her to be around his son anymore and was more than a little relieved when he found out about Shawn not going back to her class that year. Maybe he couldn’t blame his wife for the medication incident but he sure as heck could blame Shawn’s teacher. He stood, “What can I help you with Miss Teague.”

            “I was just bringing these for Shawn. His class misses him and wants him to feel better.”

            Shawn snorted in disbelief.

            “Well thank you.” Henry said curtly. “I’m sure Shawn appreciates his classmates’ concern.” He took the cards and waited for her to leave. When she didn’t immediately turn around he asked a bit impatiently, “Is there something else I can help you with?”

            Miss Teague looked a bit uncomfortable. “Yes, I would like to talk to Shawn if that is okay?”

            Henry was about to say no when Shawn piped up first. “Yeah, sure. Whatever.” Shawn tried to sound nonchalant about it but he had felt bad for what he said to her and this was probably the only time he would get to apologize to her. He'd probably see her around, but it was almost an elementary school faux pas to hang out with your teacher from last year.

            “You’re sure son?” Henry was reluctant but had been caving in a lot easier to Shawn’s requests lately. For obvious reasons.

            Nodding Shawn said, “Yeah, its okay.”

            Henry walked to the door past the timid teacher. He held up his hand, “Five minutes.” Before walking out of the room.

            Miss Teague didn’t blame Henry for being angry with her. It was partially her fault that this had happened to Shawn but she needed some closure about some things the boy had said. She pulled up a chair and sat. “How are you feeling?”

            Shawn, who had finally been able to sit up a bit the day before, shrugged. “I’m fine.”

            Swallowing and working up the nerve, Miss Teague asked, “Shawn, what you said in the classroom… did you go in my desk when I wasn’t looking?” She hadn't meant to sound so accusing.

            Shawn picked at his blanket and shook his head, “No, I saw you putting it away when you had me stay inside and help during recess. My mom and dad told me a couple months ago where babies come from so I figured that is what you were trying to do when I saw the paper. It was early in the year and you aren't pregnant yet so I figured you were having trouble with it.”

            Miss Teague was relieved. That explained how he knew about her wanting to get pregnant but it surprised her that Shawn could make the time connection. “I don’t understand how you know some of the things you do Shawn. You must be very observant.”

            “My dad’s a cop. He taught me some stuff.” Shawn explained simply.

            The teacher leaned over and put her hand on Shawn’s shoulder. “Shawn, you are a smart boy. I don’t know what is causing you to act out so much but I want you to know that I will always be there to help you if you need me. Okay?”

            Shawn smirked. “You sound like someone I used to know.” His thoughts went to his old babysitter Mandy. She had always supported him too. Well, as much as you could support a three year old whose sole joy was building with blocks. “I’m sorry I yelled at you. My mom said it was the pills that did it.” Miss Teague nodded sadly. “It's all my dad's fault! He took me to that doctor and made me take them.” Shawn had been trying not to show how much he hated his dad, especially since his dad was always around but Miss Teague saw the anger in the boy’s eyes.

            “I’m sorry you feel that way Shawn. He is just trying to help you and be a good dad. I guess it's not easy being a parent.” She squeezed his shoulder and got up to leave.

            Before she got to the door Shawn said, “You know, you would make a great mom, and I know great moms, cuz I have one.” Miss Teague smiled and nodded warmly at Shawn before leaving just as Henry arrived.

            He had heard the last part of the exchange. Shawn blamed him for the medicine, and why would he know any different? Maddie had left him holding the bag when she went to her conference and he had been the enforcer, giving Shawn the pills. When he heard his son was mad at him he had planned to tell Shawn just who was responsible. All that changed when he heard the happiness in Shawn’s voice when he said he had a great mom. Henry couldn’t ruin that for Shawn. It would be petty and just hurt his son more. So once again, Henry decided it was best to just take the blame and work through it with his son. Shawn couldn’t stay mad at him about it forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Henry hides so much from Shawn to protect him. It is sad because if Shawn knew how much their relationship would be a lot different.


	14. The Joys of Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shawn and Gus get some visitors and Henry gets a lecture.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot happened to Shawn in 1987 and I had so much fun piecing the flashbacks together and expanding on some and adding in some blank spots in Gus' sibling history.

**Santa Barbara** **June 1987:**

            Shawn was ecstatic. After two months of being out of the hospital, his parents were finally letting him move back upstairs to his room. One more step to forgetting his surgery ever happened. All it took was a misadventure for oil and his dad finally realized that if he were able to destroy the back yard, he would be able to make it up the stairs when he needed to without killing himself. Unfortunately, it did have the side effect of his dad refusing to let him and Gus stay home alone anymore so they had been going to the Police Station a lot lately when Gus' parents couldn't watch them.

            His recovery hadn't been easy. He still got winded with little effort and his scar was still very visible and pink. However, with sheer determination and the 'Spencer stubbornness', as his mom called it, he was able to get through the pain and the boredom caused by his injury.

            Shawn had to admit though, if Gus hadn't been there for him he probably would have gone crazy. Sitting still had never been his forte, but besides the endless amount of movies he watched, his dad had decided since he couldn't work out his body he would have to work out his mind. He swore he ever had to hear the words "How many" followed by an adjective and a noun, he would shoot _someone_ with his BB gun. Someone meaning his dad.

            Not everything had been bad. The first week or so in the hospital, his uncle Jack had visited him. He hadn't seen him very often but it was good to know he thought about his nephew. Shawn was still so out of it when he visited that he thought it had been a dream, until he saw the wheat penny on his night stand with a note promising to visit when he was back up and about.

            Shawn was really excited for this weekend though. As he lay on his bed, he thought about how his grandpa was coming to visit. He talked to him on the phone a lot but only really got to see him once every couple years since he moved further north. His dad didn't seem as excited and he was left wondering why his dad wasn't close to his family.

            "Shawn! Get in here and do the dishes!" Henry yelled from the kitchen.

            Rolling his eyes, Shawn complied, groaning as he go up. Dishes were really the only chore he had been able to do that didn't require a lot of moving around, so of course his dad made him do them daily. "Fine dad. Coming!"

            Once in the kitchen, he begrudgingly got on the stool so he could reach the sink, and started scrubbing the pan from dinner.

\---------------------------------

        

Henry stood for a while, watching Shawn. He was just happy that his son was starting to feel better. Even though Shawn seemed to view the dish washing as a punishment, Henry had figured it would be a way to work out his arms while not stressing the rest of his body. The doctor had given him the idea when he suggested getting small weights for Shawn to lift while he was laying down. Henry knew there was absolutely no way he would be able to get Shawn to lift weights even for fifteen seconds, let alone fifteen minutes, at a time without having to listen to endless complaining. So dishes became Shawn's physical therapy, without him knowing he was getting physical therapy.

            Maddie came in and caught Henry smiling smugly. She stood by him as he watched Shawn. "Everything going okay?"

            "Yeah, all good. What about you?" Henry turned to his wife, immediately catching the concerned look on her face.

            "Come here, I'll tell you about it." Maddie pulled on Henry's sleeve and led him out to the porch.

            Casting one last glance to make sure Shawn was still washing the dishes, Henry followed her. "What's going on?"

            "I was just talking with Winnie Guster. Joy is coming back from Jamaica for a visit this week. It got us discussing schools and she told me that Gus has been accepted to Meitner." She looked serious.

            Having no idea what a Meitner was he asked. "What are you talking about?"

            "Meitner is a school for gifted students. It is a town over. It means that Shawn and Gus wouldn't be going to school together anymore."

            Henry snorted, "At least Shawn won't be able to copy his homework if they go to different schools. They'll still be able to spend afternoons together right?"

            Maddie shook her head. "I know that school Henry. Any and all extra time is spent studying." To Henry, it didn't sound like Gus would have any problem with that, but Maddie continued. "Those poor kids. I actually have colleagues who have to deal with burn outs from kids as young as eight. That is why I never thought of putting Shawn there. I want him in advanced classes but not torturous ones.".

            Henry looked towards the kitchen. Shawn really didn't need to lose his best friend right now but the Gusters were always the type of family to give their children the best education they could, even if it meant they hardly ever got to see them. Joy and their youngest son were sent to live with their grandparents and go to a Jamaican school. They probably got to see them once a year. They had held onto Gus for as long as possible because they viewed him as delicate, but he was a smart kid. "Well, there's not much we can do. They will just have to see each other when they can."

            Maddie looked distressed but nodded and said, "Don't tell Shawn yet. Let's let him have a good summer." Henry nodded in agreement and put a comforting hand on her arm before walking back inside.

\--------------------------------------------

            A few days later, Shawn and Gus were playing board games in the Guster backyard when a taxi pulled up. The Gusters, who were sitting on their porch, rushed forward past them and embraced the young girl who got out.

            "Oh my baby!" Winnie exclaimed. "We missed you so much. Oh my lord baby, you are way too skinny! Have they been feeding you at all in Jamaica?" Winnie guided her into the house doting on her the while way, completely ignoring Gus who was standing off to the side waiting to greet his sister.

            "Hey Joy..." he waved awkwardly as she passed.

            His father, Bill, had been left to haul in the luggage. "Shawn, Gus, could you grab something and help me carry this in?" Realizing his mistake immediately he handed Shawn something small, before the boy had a chance to grab something too big and thus bringing the wrath of Henry down on him.

            Shawn looked less than thrilled to be "allowed" to carry a hat but only rolled his eyes in response before walking to the house.

\-----------------------------

            Over the course of the day, Gus was treated like he was almost invisible. Being practically an only child since his siblings were never around, he always hated it when they came back because his parents would almost forget he existed. Shawn knew Gus never really blamed his brother or sister for the treatment but it did create some resentment which caused infighting that rivaled the Hatfield and McCoy feud.

            "Gussie get out of my room!"

            "Joy! Why did you use my towel? You know I have a special terry cloth one! My skin is sensitive!"

            "Forehead!"

            "Ears!"

            It had also been Gus that dared him to put the frog in Joy's hair. He'd never been one to pass up on a dare, but he actually liked his friend's sister and was honestly sorry when she screamed and had to wash her hair four times to get the slime out of it.

            Joy had given him the cold shoulder all afternoon because of that.

            That evening, for the first time, Shawn could say he was pretty happy when his dad came and got him after work. He was about to rush out the door but his dad stopped him at the threshold. "Oh hey... whoa! Where's the fire?"

            Shawn pouted and rubbed his chest, which had started to feel sore since it was the end of the day. "Joy is back and they just keep fighting. I'm glad you and mom never had another kid. I don't know if I would be able to take the stress."

            Laughing, Henry entered the house. "Well you are going to have to put up with it a little while longer. Bill and Winnie invited us over for dinner since your mom won't be home till late."

            Shawn groaned as Bill came up and shook Henry's hand. "Hey there, how was work?"

            "A bit hectic. We had some gang members brought in and it caused a bit of a stink." Henry rubbed a hand through his hair. "Really ready for a good meal."

            Bill smiled, "Well if my wife can do anything it is cook well."

            Henry knelt down and looked at his son, "Hey Shawn, could you go see if Winnie needs help with anything. I want to talk to Bill here for a bit."

            Shawn looked up at the two men wondering why he was being sent away but nodded and left, but not before giving his father a puzzled look like he knew he was up to something.

            Making sure Shawn was out of earshot, Henry stated, "I hear from Maddie that Burton is being sent to a private school a town over."

            Bill's grin widened. "Yeah, we are damn proud that he got in. Tap danced to some kind of device. Impressed the interviewer a lot."

            "Huh, bit of a ways away though, thirty miles each way right?" Henry knew Bill didn't like to drive much.

            "Well yeah but, our son is worth it." Though Bill sounded a lot more unsure.

            Henry shrugged, "Nasty stretch of highway. Lots of sharp curves. We get called in to at least ten accidents a month on that road alone. Some weren't pretty." He gave a shudder and smiled inwardly as Bill's face fell even further. "But anyway, let's get something to eat. I am sure you'll be fine driving that road, twice, every day." He patted Bill on the back and grinned as he walked into the kitchen, sure that Burton would never ever see even one day at that school. Shawn needed his friend and Henry had to make sure he kept him.

\---------------------------------------

            Much to Shawn's delight, his grandpa kept his promise and showed up for a weekend visit later that week. "Grandpa!" Shawn squealed and was hugged by the older man.

            "Hey there sport! How are you doing?" He asked, pointing at Shawn's chest.

            The laughter disappeared from Shawn's eyes and he mumbled, "It's fine grandpa."

            Realizing he said something wrong Shawn's grandpa, William, changed the subject. "What have you been up to? Climbing mountains? Surfing?"

            "No! Dad would never let me do that." The smile was back on Shawn's face as he and his grandpa exchanged a few jokes.

            Henry and Maddie were standing off to the side watching the greeting. Henry smiled as he met his dad's eyes. He hadn't seen much of him since his mom had died a few years ago but was happy he was able to be here for Shawn. "How are you doing pop?"

            William came forward and put an arm around his son before kissing him on the head. "Doing great. Been really busy with retirement. The fishing off the north coast is really great. You should come visit me sometime and we can go out."

            "I'd like that dad. Maybe then we can actually get Shawn some deep sea fishing experience." Henry snorted at the disgusted look on Shawn's face. Sometimes he wondered if he was his son because how could any Spencer dislike fishing?

            "Alright boys, let's get him all situated in the guest room, then we can have some lunch. Sound good?" Maddie shooed Shawn away and recruited Henry to help haul in luggage.

            Grabbing some of his suitcases Grandpa Spencer smiled, "Sounds great! Maybe after we eat Shawn and I could head out to the beach and feed the birds. What do you say?"

            Shawn liked feeding the birds, or any animal in general so he was super excited. "He'll have to do it after the dishes though, right Shawn?" Henry added in.

            "Okay dad." Shawn was really beginning to hate the dishes.

\------------------------------------------------------

            Later that night, after Shawn went to bed, Henry had a bit of time to chat with his dad. He was not happy that his father had stepped in and took Shawn out to feed the birds without doing his chores. Grabbing two beers he handed one to his dad and sat down across from him with the other one. "Pops, I am sorry I got after you about Shawn but he has to learn responsibilities. You don't know what it is like raising a son like him."

            Grandpa Spencer looked at his son with raised eyebrows, "Are you forgetting who your brother is?"

            Henry threw up his hands in defeat. "Okay you might know what it is like, but Shawn is different. He needs constant supervision and guidance. He is a smart kid but if I don't watch him 24/7 he gets hurt."

            His father scoffed, "You can't have a kid living under a microscope Henry. They have to get out and experience the world for themselves, make their own mistakes. Sometimes their mistakes can be small, like forgetting that your pet lizard in the couch and having it scare the pants off your mom."

            Henry laughed at the memory. His mom had not been happy and he had attempted to blame it on Jack, but his dad had read the guilt on him instantly. William continued, "Or it could be a bigger mistake like letting your kid brother drive your new car and crash it into a light pole after a night out."

            "That wasn't my fault! Jack was the only one who was sober." Henry tried to defend himself, leaving out the fact that they had been twenty and thirteen respectively, but his father just laughed.

            "The point is, Shawn is going to make mistakes and there is nothing you can do about it except to let him know you will be there for him when he needs you."

            Henry frowned and looked at his hands, "Is that what you do for Jack? Every time he makes a mistake and comes crawling back."

            "If we sat here and talked about Jack's mistakes we would waste my entire trip." Henry couldn't argue with that. "So how much of this 'training' are you planning on giving Shawn?" His father asked, changing the subject.

            "I just want him to be able to be the best cop he can be. With his memory and observation skills he'd make and excellent detective." Henry smiled proudly before taking a swig of his beer.

            Leaning forward his father looked at him seriously, "There's more to the job besides just observation and memory Henry. When are you going to tell him about the _other stuff_ he is going to have to deal with?"

            "I thought about that. A couple years ago Maddie got pretty mad at me for bringing him to a crime scene so I promised it wouldn't be until he was ready for it." Henry admitted.

            "You brought him to a _crime scene_?" His father looked at him confused.

            Henry was embarrassed at the situation that caused that lapse in judgment but luckily Shawn was too young too know what was really going on. "It was no big deal. He didn't even realize it was a crime scene. Besides, he helped solve it so it was worth it."

            Giving his son a worried look William leaned back in his chair and grabbed his own beer. "I hope so son. I really do."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At first I really wanted Shawn to be the one who stopped Gus from going to the Meitner school but watched the episode again and it really seemed like he had no idea Gus was going there... but I figured Henry would. :D


	15. Observe and Report

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shawn has some misadventures in the police station.

**Santa Barbara** **May 1990:**

          "Dad!" Shawn shouted from the entrance of the precinct, his sneakers squeaking as they hurried down the hall to his desk in the bull pen. Shawn's middle school was only four blocks away from the station so his son had gotten in the habit of coming and visiting him during lunch.

            Shawn glanced around at the other occupants of the bull pen. The action had long since become a habit that he never had to think about. While doing so he caught the eye of some of the officers who smiled and gave him a small wave before going back to their tasks. His gaze also met with someone who was currently cuffed to a chair. Shawn squinted at the man and saw his leg was bouncing and he was looking around nervously. Shawn figured there was something up with him but he was distracted by a voice saying his name.

            "Well, hey there Shawn. Here to visit your dad?" Captain Brett Connors was suddenly in front of him. "Wow you are getting tall there kid." He put his hand on Shawn's head, measuring his height. Shawn had gained at least 4 inches in the last couple years alone. He had always been short for his age but after his heart surgery he seemed to catch up and even pass everyone up. On his last check up, the doctors said it was normal, as a bum valve tended to stunt growth due to something about blood flow, blah blah blah. He’d stopped listening after that point.

            Now at twelve, Shawn was currently taller than Gus, which he made sure to rub in, and brag about at every opportunity. "Yeah, my friend is super jealous."

            Brett laughed. "Well he'll catch up soon so don't give him too hard of a time." He looked at his watch and sighed. "I have to get going, say hi to your dad for me will ya?"

            Shawn nodded and headed for his dad's work station. He saw his father sigh and continue to gather the papers he was working on. Shawn started to give his visit today a second thought. He looked super busy.

Sure enough, Henry started to get up. "Shawn, I can't talk today. I have to get these papers to the Chief then I have to go out on patrol with a new rookie."

            He followed his dad's glance and his eyes fell on a twenty something woman with strong features and honey colored short hair. She was looking around nervously, but her brown eyes held a fire that Shawn hoped would allow her to put up with her father in a cramped police car for more than five minutes. "What's her name?"

            "Kirsten or something..." Henry tried to remember, "I know it starts with a K... Kathy?..." Shrugging and giving up, he addressed his son. "Get back to school. I will see you tonight."

            Watching his dad walk down the hallway, Shawn pouted and headed back for the exit doors. He was almost there, when he noticed the nervous man from before. The guy seemed to be hiding his cuffed hand and his eyes were still darting around the station like a caged animal looking for an escape. Shawn did _not_ feel comfortable about the situation at all. He turned around and tugged on the nearest officer's uniform. It was someone he had seen around, but was unacquainted with. "Hey, you have a problem."

            The officer looked annoyed at first but saw what Shawn was looking at. The man was definitely acting weird. Nodding, the officer started walking over to the bench where the man was sitting. Figuring his work was done, Shawn started to walk towards the door once again.

            The perp must have noticed the officer coming his way and figured it was now or never. He popped up from his seat, the cuff he had picked open clattering uselessly against the metal arm of the chair he had been secured to. The officer had little time to react before the gun was grabbed from his holster and the man used his momentum to knock him to the floor. He then grabbed the one upright human being within his reach.

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            The younger Spencer had been standing open mouthed watching the man suddenly stand up and overpower the officer. He hadn't expected to be grabbed and a pistol shoved up to his head. The station stopped for a beat or two before thirty officers suddenly had their guns trained on the man holding him hostage.

"I've only got four dollars in my sneaker! You can have it!" Shawn bargained.

            "Shut up kid!" The desperate man pushed the gun deeper into his head.

            Desperately trying to think of something to do Shawn continued, "Alright! It is ten dollars but leave me at least one! I still want to get some chocolate milk when I get back to school!"

            Hearing the commotion, Henry and the Chief rushed out to see what was going on. Henry's heart fell as he saw a man with a gun pressed painfully against Shawn's temple. Shawn was holding deathly still but Henry saw the fear in his boy's eyes.

            "Nobody move! I'll shoot him!" The man gripped Shawn tighter, his left arm wrapping around the boy’s chest and the other holding the gun.

            The rookie Henry had planned on riding with that day had stepped forward and was looking in horror at the situation. She helped up the officer who was still sprawled on the floor as the perp watched her closely but she held her hands up showing she was unarmed. Her eyes met Shawn's and she glanced in Henry's direction. She obviously deduced, by the frightened look on the normally gruff man's face, that this was the infamous Shawn Spencer she had heard about from the other officers.

Feeling like she had to do something, the young woman addressed the gunman. "Calm down, no one is going to do anything rash sir."

            The man rubbed his head on his shoulder, getting rid of some of the sweat dripping off him. "I'm leaving the station with the kid. If anyone follows I will shoot him and anyone else around me."

            Henry stepped out from behind the wall of blue that had surrounded the pair. "Let the boy go. He's just a kid."

            "Don't come any closer!" The man screamed.

            Shawn flinched at the loudness. Henry could tell he was doing his best to stay calm like he’d been told to do in hostage situations, but Henry had never been so scared. Worried yes, but not terrified. If he had been playing poker he would have said the guy had a good hand and was not about to give it up, even if he did get out of the station. He had to do something or this would not end well.

            Before he could react, Shawn suddenly let out a small cry and clutched his chest, going boneless. The man had to adjust his grip to keep a hold of him. "What the hell?"

            Henry was about to say screw it and rush to his son, when Shawn looked up and winked before groaning and sagging more. Getting what his son was doing he started to play along. "He has a heart condition! He needs a doctor!"

            By then the only thing the man was holding Shawn by was his shirt and he could see the scar from the boy's surgery through the material twisted in his fist. Thinking that his hostage was going to bite the big one and being unable to carry him, he let go.

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            Shawn dropped, biting his tongue hard as he hit the floor. "Ah!"

The armed man leveled the gun at Henry, the closest unarmed officer. Shawn looked up and saw that the man's finger was starting to tighten on the trigger, obviously realizing he was screwed and wanting to take someone with him. _Not my dad!_ Shawn thought frantically. Thinking quickly he reached in his pants and pulled out the pocket knife his dad made him carry. At the time he thought it was stupid, and the teachers were starting to get owly about it, but now he realized that you’d really never know when you’d have to use it.

            The man must have seen some movement below him and looked down just in time to watch Shawn slam a knife into his foot. He screamed and was momentarily distracted enough for the female rookie to rush up and lift his arms so the gun was pointed at the ceiling. Rounds started going off as Henry jumped in and pulled Shawn out of the way by his feet. Other officers rushed in to subdue the suspect. In another couple of moments, the situation was under control.

            Henry pulled Shawn to his feet and gripped him in a tight hug, kissing him on the head. "Okay dad, I'm fine... you can let go now." Shawn complained.

            Henry released him from the hug and knelt down to face him. "Shawn what were you thinking? He could have shot you!"

            Giving his father a guilty look he replied. "I was just doing what you would do. What you taught me to do. He was going to shoot you dad."

“I know kid.” Nothing else was said about it, but it hit Shawn that his dad had _known_ that he was about to be shot, but was willing to be gunned down if it meant he was safe.

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            "Ahem." The female rookie cleared her throat to get the Spencers' attention, and they broke away from their closeness immediately. "Sergeant Spencer, sorry to interrupt but I wanted to see if your son was alright." She looked at Shawn who nodded.

            "I'm fine ma'am." Shawn smiled and shook her hand. “Thanks.”

            The woman grimaced a bit, "You can thank me by never calling me ma’am again.” Shawn nodded and she turned to Henry, "You have quite the kid there."

            Henry mussed Shawn's hair. "Yeah I do. You aren't all that bad either."

            The officer gave a lopsided grin. "I'll see you later Henry." Henry watched her go and looked down at Shawn. He seemed pretty together for someone who had just had a gun put to his head, but his son had always been a bit different.

            A thought crossed Henry's mind. He had been training Shawn for years on how to be an officer. Sometimes he didn't know if Shawn was even paying attention to half the things he taught him but today proved he did. His twelve year old son had stayed calm, used a clever deception to distract the perp before stabbing him in the foot, allowing the officers to move in. All with a gun pointed at him. Shawn didn't freeze up or even hesitate, he had seen veteran officers not do half as well. Henry wanted to tell Shawn how proud of him he was but all that came out was, "What am I going to tell your mom?"

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            His dad didn't make him go back to school that day. It was only going for a few more hours anyway, so he stayed at the station and wrote down his statement of the incident for the records. Henry had told Shawn that he wouldn't have to appear in court because he was a minor and there were so many other witnesses but a statement would be needed.

            "Just what I need...extra writing." Shawn grumbled. Henry looked over and shook his head.

            It took the rest of the day for Shawn to finish the statement. He probably would have gotten it done faster if officers didn't come up and congratulate him for his bravery every couple of minutes, but Shawn didn't mind at all. _If this is what being a cop is, I can't wait!_ He thought to himself as Chief Wilkins came up personally and shook his hand.

            "Henry you do have a smart boy here. He will make a good cop one day." Henry swelled with pride at the statement. "I need you in my office for a few minutes though. We need to talk about a few things."

            "Stay here Shawn. Gus should be here soon for me to take you guys home." The two officers walked off leaving Shawn to his writing.

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            Twenty minutes later Gus ran into the station very worked up that he had not come back to school after lunch. "Shawn! Where were you? The principal came in and said that I had to meet you and your dad here... did you get in trouble again." Gus was almost as good at scolding Shawn as Henry was.

            "You'll never believe what happened! It was the neatest thing ever!" Shawn exclaimed before looking over Gus' shoulder at his dad was coming out of the Chief's office. "I'll have to tell you later, but it was awesome!" Henry walked up with a shell shocked expression. Shawn was worried something bad had happened. "Dad what's wrong?"

            Trying to find his voice he stuttered, "Wilkins... the Chief... he made me a detective."

            Shawn looked at his father shocked. Becoming a detective was almost all he had talked about since he practically aced the exam a couple years earlier. The higher ups had told him there were no openings at the time, so Henry had been stuck as a beat cop.

            "Wow!" Both Shawn and Gus exclaimed.

            "He said we could get going home to celebrate...and we are getting ice cream on the way." Both boys' smiles widened at the mention of ice cream. "I have to call your mom and let her know." He walked off to the phone, grinning from ear to ear.

            "My dad is pretty cool sometimes." Shawn honestly was still a bit shaken up, so he was glad to get a treat out of the deal. He looked at his friend and held out his fist at Gus.

            The other boy bumped it with his own fist and exclaimed, "Ice cream! You know that's right!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always wondered how Shawn could always be so calm and collected when he has guns pointed in his face. I figured he was a bit desensitized to it since it happened all the time, then it got me wondering what the first time might have been like. :D


	16. Immersion Therapy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shawn gets a lesson in fear from a clueless Henry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter of this story. There will be a sequel and I will talk about it more at the end.

**Santa Barbara** **May 1990-**

            Over the next week Shawn, and once and a while Gus, spent a lot of time in the station during lunch and after school. The attention he got over the hostage incident had not really faded and the Gusters had been a lot more skittish of having Shawn over after the boys had gotten into Bill Guster's liquor cabinet and killed a Valley Quail with booze. Henry had no idea how his son got a hold of the state bird or why he decided to give it alcohol but he stopped being surprised by most of Shawn's antics years ago.

            Looking up he noticed one of the officers was talking to Shawn. He smirked and wondered when his son's celebrity status would fade so things could go back to normal. While watching the exchange he noticed something odd. Usually the boy was pretty good at making eye contact with people, except when being scolded, but Henry saw Shawn's eyes kept flicking down to the cop's waist. Following his eye line he realized Shawn was not looking at the officer's waist... but at his firearm. Was that a hint of fear on his son’s features?

            Alarm bells started ringing in his head and he muttered. "Aw crap."

            He couldn't believe he didn't see it before. His new schedule as a detective was a lot busier but it was no excuse. His son, who had grown up around cops, was suddenly skittish of firearms and there could only be one reason why. He felt like an idiot for thinking that Shawn would be fine after what happened to him. Because of Shawn's abilities, and the fact that it was his son, he always thought of Shawn being able to handle anything that came at him. _Maybe that is what Shawn thinks I want?_ He wondered. Was his son putting on a brave face for him while being completely terrified inside?

            Figuring it was time for a bit of an experiment to make sure, Henry decided to call Shawn over. He had started to teach Shawn about firearms since he had gotten him a BB gun a few years ago but had quickly confiscated the item after Gus had told him he was firing it irresponsibly. Since then they had not really discussed guns all that much because it just brought up bad blood between them.

            "Shawn! Come here for a second."

            Shawn sauntered up to him with a questioning look. "What? Officer O’Grady was going to take me to evidence to see something rad!"

            Thinking quickly to find an excuse to keep his son still for a minute, Henry figured sports would do. "It's almost summer kid, I need to know if you are going to go into baseball again so I can sign you up." As Henry made small talk he took out his gun and laid it on the desk and he pretended to start cleaning it. Shawn's eyes were drawn to it instantly and a little sweat broke out on his son's forehead. "Shawn! Are you listening to me?"

            Shawn's head snapped up to look at his father. He didn't realize he was staring and hoped his dad didn't notice. "Yeah. I'm listening."

            Keeping his composure Henry continued, "Let me know what you decide by next week. The season is going to be starting soon." Shawn nodded and headed off. Henry remembered something and yelled, "And if I find out you have been corking your bats again this year you are going to be grounded till the millennium!"

            Henry put his gun away and waited till Shawn was out of sight before laying his head down on his desk. He had no idea what to do. If Shawn was going to be an officer he _couldn't_ be afraid of guns. Henry decided he better ask someone for advice. His wife was probably the best person to talk to since she counseled officers through this type of thing for a living.

            Resigning to the fact that he was probably going to get his butt chewed once again over what happened, he figured he could ask her when he got home that afternoon.

            "Damn it kid." Henry mumbled to himself as he watched Shawn and an officer head for the evidence cage in the basement.

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            Henry was surprised that Maddie was actually home when he arrived. It was good and bad at the same time. Good because he would get to talk to her sooner, bad because he had been counting on an hour or so to work up the nerve to say something. Shawn shot straight out the door to head over to Gus' house so they wouldn't have to worry about him overhearing their "discussion."

            Maddie looked up at her husband. "What's wrong? You look troubled."

            _Ripping off a band aid, ripping off a band aid._ Henry repeated internally. "Well Madds... Shawn has a bit of a problem. I think he is afraid of guns." His wife gave him a look that basically said "Duh." Shaking his head he clarified. "No I am serious I think he is really afraid of guns."

            "Henry, last week he was held hostage at gunpoint. You think that someone Shawn's age will just get over that right away?" She looked at her husband incredulously.

            "Cops have guns pointed at them all the time. They don't all of a sudden become afraid of them." Henry defended. "I've taught him for years how to deal with this stuff."

            Maddie stood and was getting upset, "Reading emotions is a lot different than understanding them Henry, and let me guess... you saw something that led you to believe this?"

            Nodding Henry explained. "When I took out my gun he got pretty scared."

            "You pulled a gun on our son!?" Maddie shrieked.

            Henry was confused, "NO? What kind of a dad do you think I am? I took it out to clean it and saw how he reacted!" Henry figured the shortened version of events would do.

            "I don't know any more Henry! I leave for work and when I get back Shawn tells me some of the stuff you put him through." Henry looked at the ground. When Maddie had heard about him making Shawn flee through the woods like a murderer was coming after him, being in the dog house would have been an improvement. "And the fact that you had to figure out how Shawn was feeling for yourself just proves how much Shawn doesn't talk to you. He told me the day after it happened."

            Throwing up his hands, Henry realized he wasn't going to get any real advice from his wife. Lately he had only been getting blamed for whatever happened to Shawn, even if the boy tended to bring things on himself. "Well, it's not like you are around to help me half the time! Since you started traveling I practically have to raise him by myself!"

            The argument was gearing up to be one of their worst in a long time, and probably would have gone on for a while if Henry hadn't seen someone standing in his peripheral vision. Maddie was still yelling but noticed Henry was not looking at her anymore. Turning her head she saw what had caught his attention. Shawn and Gus were standing there watching them fight.

            Gus looked back and forth between Shawn and his parents and figured the best option was to run out of the house as fast as possible. While screaming of course.

            Shawn, however, stood there looking at his parents. His green eyes reading everything about their emotions. Henry felt instantly ashamed at being caught.

            "Mom, we're out of Fruity Puffs. Gus ate them all. Can you take me to the store? I remember they had a sale yesterday, so we should go now before all the other families with kids realizes this and they're all sold out."

            Maddie was taken aback at Shawn's random statement but Henry knew exactly what his son was doing. He stayed silent about it though and walked away into the kitchen, giving Maddie no choice but to go with Shawn.

            Once he heard the door slam he waited until the car left before heading out for a couple drinks at the bar down the street. It was close enough to walk just in case he had too much. _Maybe tomorrow I'll ask Brett about Shawn_. He reasoned. Brett Conners had a daughter Shawn’s age and he might know a thing or two since he had been on the force for a while. Henry was about to leave when he figured he should write a note so they knew where he was. No matter how angry he was with his wife, he didn't want her and Shawn to worry. "Lord knows we worry enough around here."

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            "Brett!" Henry tried to get the Captain's attention. He had been looking for him all morning and it was already after lunch.

            "Hey Henry! You all ready for the card game on Saturday?" Captain Conners greeted his friend but kept walking.

            Henry got up, holding up his hands to stop him. "I'm fine for Saturday but I needed to ask you a question." Brett stopped and listened wondering what had Henry's pants in a bunch. "I was wondering what you do if all of a sudden... well, someone becomes gun shy."

            Scratching his chin, Brett asked, "Are you talking police dogs or what?"

            Latching onto the cover story Henry nodded, "Yeah, police dogs. One of them was recently by a gun that went off and he has been afraid of them since. How do I get him over it?"

            "Well there's a number of ways. I think the best one is called immersion therapy."

            Henry looked at him skeptically, "What is that?"

            "You see, you take the dog to a shooting range. Tie him up and give him treats while desensitizing him to the gunshots. He will fight like a sombitch to get away at first but once they start associating good with the shooting, the dog realizes the gun won't hurt him and won't be afraid anymore. I had to do this with a hunting dog once. It worked wonders."

            Henry thought about it. He could take Shawn to the gun range. He went there all the time himself, was one of the best shots around in fact. "Thanks Brett. It's a great idea. I will see you Saturday okay?" He trotted off with a lighter heart.

            "Congratulations on the promotion too Henry!" Brett called after him before turning and looking around as if he'd forgotten where he was going before he was interrupted.

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            After school the next day, Henry didn't take Shawn home right away. They were heading out of town on a route that was unfamiliar to him and that made Shawn nervous. Shawn learned quickly that his dad always had an ulterior motive in everything that he did. "Where are we going dad? This doesn't look like Chucky Cheese, or any other kind of restaurant either."

            "I never said we were going there first Shawn, so stop asking." Henry was very nervous himself. Once calmed down, Maddie had talked about putting Shawn in therapy, but the bill for that would be huge so Henry figured he would try this first. He had no idea how this "immersion therapy" would work out but if Brett was telling the truth Shawn would be really opposed to the idea. It was illegal to tie a child up though, so he would have to do his best to bribe him to stay.

            Twenty minutes later they pulled up to the shooting range. "We're here." Henry said simply.

            Shawn's keen eyes took in the building and the fenced in area in the back. Shots rang out occasionally and realization dawned on him quickly. "No. No no no. You can't make me."

            "Look Shawn, your mother told me what you said to her about being afraid. The best way to get over it is to confront your fear and to remember; Guns don't kill people, stupid untrained civilians, and criminals kill people. Now get out of the car!" Henry scolded.

            Shaking but opening the door, Shawn stepped out of the vehicle. It took his dad pushing him all the way to the entrance to get him going anywhere. "Hey there Linda, we're here to use the gun range. I'll also need a few other fire arms if that is ok." Shawn watched them speak and by the sound of it his dad was going to put him through the ringer. _Did they just say semi-automatic?_ His eyes widened in terror.

            "Sure thing Henry." The woman smiled at Shawn, "Joining your dad to learn how to shoot?"

            "Not exactly, more being shot at than anything." The woman got a horrified look on her face before realizing Shawn was probably joking and walking away. "How often are we going to do this dad?" He whined.

            "Every couple days you and I are going to come out here and shoot. I need the practice anyway. Plus Greg here," Henry pointed at an approaching man who was pushing a cart with about six different weapons and ammo on it, "...is going to put you through some gun safety courses next week." Henry shook the man's hand and thanked him for bringing the weapons. He then proceeded to put safety gear on both himself and his son.

            Shawn's voice was just over a whisper as he made one last ditch effort to bargain out of this. "Do we have to dad...I'm scared."

            The detective looked down and his face softened. Shawn was _so_ sure he was about to get out of it, but his father's expression steeled and he shook his head. "You will thank me for this when you are older Shawn." He picked up a long ranged rifle and began showing Shawn each part of it, how to load it, unload it, turn the safety on and off and the intricate workings of it before he started firing. He did that for each gun that he shot that day, hoping it would help even more if Shawn knew how each gun functioned.

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**Santa Barbara** **August 1990-**

            True to his word, for the entire summer Henry had Shawn out at the shooting range every other day. Maddie was furious when she first found out but after seeing a big improvement in Shawn in just a few weeks she relented and let Henry deal with Shawn in his own way, even if she wasn't happy about it.

            Every time Henry showed Shawn how to use each gun and drilled into his head that guns were only tools. By the end of August, Henry was feeling pretty good about himself. He had killed two birds with one stone; he got Shawn over his fear of guns and taught him as much as he knew about guns in general, something that a cop would need to know for duty.

            On one of the last weekends of the summer, Henry had decided they would go one more time before giving his son a well-deserved couple weeks off. Gus just happened to be with them that day. He joined them about once a week, when one of the days Henry was supposed to watch him fell on a gun range day. Shawn was extra happy on those days because it made the two hours he was stuck there less boring.

            The boys watched as Henry emptied his last clip into the target and set the gun down. Taking off his protective gear he told them, “Stay here. I’ll be right back then we can head out.” Seeing both boys nod Henry went to the main lodge to use the restroom.

            While they were waiting Shawn noticed something shiny in the grass. It was an extra bullet that must have fallen from when someone was loading clips. “Hey Gus look!” Shawn held up the bullet and waggled his eyebrows. “Dare me to shoot?” Shawn was nowhere near serious but still liked the thrill of jerking Gus’ chain a bit. His friend was so responsible sometimes it made him sick.

            “C’mon Shawn, we both know you aren’t going to shoot anything. Your dad would kill you.” Gus replied smugly.

            Shawn looked at the bullet, Gus had basically called him a coward. He had felt like it all summer, ever since he was grabbed and had a gun smashed to his head. _Maybe I should shoot, it could prove to both Gus and dad that I was brave enough._ He gripped the bullet tight and walked towards the table with the guns. He knew right away which gun the bullet belonged to, having had the information drilled into him for months. He picked up his dad’s personal Glock. There were a couple guns the bullet could have fit in but his dad said the Glock was a lighter gun and Shawn figured he could handle it easier.

            Gus was instantly taking back his statement when he saw Shawn pick up the firearm. “I didn’t mean it Shawn! It’s dangerous don’t do it!”

            Shawn loaded the bullet into the empty cartridge and set the gun like his dad had showed him. “I have to do this. My dad thinks I am a sissy, Gus. That is why he kept bringing me here. Not to practice shooting, but because he thinks I'm a wuss.” Gus furrowed his brow. He had not known that. “If my dad can see I can shoot. He won’t think I am such a baby.”

            “Be careful Shawn….” Gus could see there was no way to convince him otherwise. His friend felt his honor was at stake.

            Doing his best to not shake, Shawn went through the stance that his dad had showed him. “Feet shoulder width apart, knees bendy, weight on the front of your feet…” After a moment, he felt confident in his stance but it was gripping the gun that felt weird. His dad had never let him handle any of the guns but had shown him where to put his fingers so they didn’t get broken or blown off when the gun was fired. Making sure the safety was off and the gun was pointed at the ground, he looked at Gus. “Wish me luck.” Before raising his hands, aiming, and pulling the trigger.

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            Henry had just exited the bathroom when he heard the shot. For a second it didn’t register because they _were_ at a shooting range but after a moment the detective remembered that they were the only ones out there today. He ran as fast as he could out of the building and towards Shawn and Gus, fully expecting one or both of them to be gut shot. As he rounded the corner he saw Shawn had the gun pointed appropriately at the ground and was exclaiming that he did it. “SHAWN! What in God’s name do you think you are doing!?”

            As Henry ripped the gun out of Shawn’s hands he stuttered, “But I…”

            “You are grounded! More than grounded you are not going to see the light of day for months pal!”

            “If you’d just…”

            “I don’t want to hear it Shawn! There is nothing you can say that will get you out of this one!”

            “I wanted you to like me!” Shawn yelled back. Gus held his breath while Henry stopped yelling and stared at his son, dumbstruck. “I also hit the bull’s-eye… if you care.” Shawn pouted and went to stand by Gus.

            “You what?” Henry stormed over to the target. It was a human silhouette and it was shot up from when he himself had used it. There really was no bulls-eye, unless you counted the circles on the torso and head. Looking closely Henry gasped. Above where he had been shooting, in the head was a neat round hole less than half an inch from the very center. “No way.”

            Walking up to Shawn and digging in his pocket he pulled out another bullet and held it up. “You do that again, with me standing here… and you will only be grounded for a month instead of the rest of your natural life.” He put the bullet into Shawn’s hand and backed up to watch.

            Shawn did as he was told. He set up the gun and Henry was mildly impressed that Shawn had listened to him, at least about his stance. Finally, Shawn's eyes narrowed and he let off the shot.

            Once Shawn was done, Henry went over to the target. There was still one hole in the sheet near the head. Henry now figured the first had been a fluke and Shawn had missed the target all together the second time. “Sorry pal,” he said walking back to Shawn. “You missed. You might as well attach a sponge permanently to your hand…”

            “But I hit it!” Shawn wailed and ran past his dad. He pointed to the bullet hole on the head. “Look!”

            Rolling his eyes, Henry got a closer look at the target. The whole was still there, but it was a bit bigger than before which could only mean one thing. Shawn had practically Robin Hooded the shot and put it through the exact same hole. “Shawn, how did you do that?”

            “You’ve made me watch you for months dad. The only reason I missed the very middle the first time is I didn’t realize how hard the gun would kick.” Shawn shrugged. “I was expecting it the second time.”

            Narrowing his eyes Henry asked, “Why didn’t you put it in the bulls eye the second time then?”

            “Because you told me to do the same thing again or you would ground me for longer.” Henry didn’t know if Shawn was trying to be a smart-aleck but at that point he was too shocked to do more than gather up both boys and his personal weapons and check out.

            While his dad was paying at the counter Gus whispered to Shawn, “So, does that mean you aren’t grounded for life?” and Shawn just shrugged.

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            Henry didn’t mention the range incident for the rest of the day. He pretty much brought the boys home and they stayed outside and played with Shawn’s rabbits for the rest of the evening. Henry, however, tried to busy himself with making them all supper while rationalizing what had happened. In the research he did on his son in the early years he had found out that people like Shawn tended to have good “hand eye coordination” but with as accident prone as Shawn was he figured the boy had missed out on that particular boon. “Apparently not.” Henry snorted.

            Ever since he was born, Shawn had surprised him at every turn. He didn’t know why each time it blew him away, because after twelve years he should be used to it by now. However, each time Shawn showed him just what he is capable of, Henry couldn’t believe it. He also reflected on the fact that Shawn, in his own way was at least trying to make him proud.

            He suddenly remembered his own dad’s words. _“There's more to the job besides just observation and memory Henry. When are you going to tell him about the other stuff he is going to have to deal with?”_

            “Maybe he’s old enough I should start teaching him.” Henry wondered. He honestly didn’t want a repeat of Shawn’s gun trauma, so maybe he would have to start preparing him for the harsher aspects of the job. Not just escaping or running, but actually having the guts to look someone in the eye and knowing you have to pull the trigger.

            Shaking his head he walked to the window and chuckled at how tender the two boys were while handling the baby bunnies that Shawn’s pet recently had. A lot of officers lose that innocence once they find out the realities of their job and he sincerely hoped that while Shawn would learn more discipline, he would keep that endearing and charming quality that he obviously got from his mother.

            “Hey kids! Wash up! Your dinner will be ready in a few minutes!” Henry hollered from the kitchen.

            At the mention of food both boys stood and gently put the bunnies back in their cage. Henry heard his son complain, “I hope it’s something other than microwave meals.” Shawn made a face, "but if it is it means I won’t have any dishes to do and we can have more bunny time.”

            His friend had a knack for finding the good in any given situation. Gus smiled and put his arm around his best mate’s shoulder. “You know that’s right.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again guys for all the feedback! The sequel "Made This Way" is out and complete, on ff.net or Psychfic but I will be posting it here too. (A lot faster than this one since it doesn't need to be tweaked) Check it out if you liked this one. It focuses more on Shawn's training and the deteriorating Spencer family relationships.
> 
> There is also a bridge story called, "Most Admirable Foe" that takes place shortly after this story. I'll be posting that one too. Check it out if you are a Yin/Yang fan.

**Author's Note:**

> (Hey guys. This isn't a new story from me by any means but I have been fixing any mistakes I had made in it to get it on par with the sequel. If you've read it before on another site, I have changed a couple things and improved them so it might be worth another look. I will get this posted as fast as I can get re-edited.)


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